Home is not a house

Chapter 43

Tw for this chapter: Mention of suicide, suicide ideation, drinking, fighting, mention of razor, abuse

Tommy took off down the street again, and his brain was mad at him for running like this. He told Phil he wasn't going to run again, he knew what happened last time.

He knew that he was fucking up beyond belief in this moment.

But he wasn't going to die, so it was fine right? If he wasn't planning on killing himself it can't be that bad right?

Right?

What was his plan? Why was he running this time?

Was it because the last time he drank he ran away from the house he was at? He ran till he felt safe?

The last time this happened he was 14, and they forced him to drink. They said they just wanted him to shut up, so they made him drink. His brain was a consistent state of fuzzy and unknowing. He didn't have a phone so he couldn't call Puffy.

So he ran away. He stumbled through the streets, sobbing and loosing his mind. The only thing on his back was his bag with his blanket and razor blade. He ran a long time until he made it to a store, an employee calling 911 when they saw that he was covered in blood and bruises.

Puffy was called when he was at the hospital, her name the only one he could remember. She came just in time to see him get his stomach pumped before he got alcohol poisoning.

He remembered just running trying to feel safe.

But he felt safe at their house. So why was he running now?

For the first time in years he felt safe and like he doesn't have to die and he's running from it. At the time he wanted to die but now? Now he didn't want to.

He didn't want to die. What do you do when you don't want to die?

He lived for the past 6 years just wanting to die. Suicide attempt after suicide attempt because he just wanted to die. But now he was lost without that feeling. He was lost mentally and now physically.

Tommy stopped running, and he truly didn't know where he was. He had no clue of where anything was. He lived in this town his whole life but still got lost. He looked around to try and find where he was.

He was near a bridge. This was- No. No this wasn't.

This was the same bridge from months ago.

He walked near it, and saw the exact spot that he stood on the other side of the railing.

How did he get here? How did you get to this place from Phil's house? How long has he been out here? He knew left when it was close to 3 something, but he had no clue what time it was now. He could check on his phone but decided against it. He just continued to look around.

"Tubbo!" Tommy sobbed and Tubbo pulled him into a hug. "I wanted to die, why couldn't you let me die!" Tommy sobbed into his arms, but there was no angry in his voice, just desperation. "I wanted to die, I want to die, I can't fucking living anymore! Living hurts too fucking much and I don't want to do it anymore!" Tommy continued to sob, but Tubbo didn't let go of him.

"It's okay Tommy, you're okay, you're not going to die. I won't let you." Tubbo said.

"Tubbo! Tommy!" Tubbo didn't look up but he knew the voice, Wilbur. "I found them, I found them." Wilbur said into a phone. "The bridge that goes over the highway."

"I want to die." Tommy said so softly in Tubbo's arms, Tubbo almost didn't hear it.

"Not today, not anytime soon. I won't let that happen. I'm staying here with you and you are staying here with me. I promise, I'm not leaving I promise." Tubbo said and Tommy nodded, feeling so broken, like he was a little kid again and he was just beaten for the first time.