Even If It Hurts -H.S. AU

42

Ten months ago

"Violet," my assistant, Phoebe, calls out to me just as I'm about to leave, "we got a call from a luxury hotel chain, they're wondering if you want to set up a meeting?"

"Um-" I mumble, thinking about the endless stacks of projects I already have on my plate, "tell them I don't have the availability right now, but if they're still interested in a few months, we can set it up."

"You got it." She smiles and scribbles something in her notebook. I stand in the doorway for a second, debating if I should ask her to grab a drink with me, or if that would be inappropriate, and a little pathetic.

I decide to just leave. I figure I don't need to make a fool of myself being turned down by my employee, even if she's the closest thing to a friend that I have. She's young, and probably doesn't want to hang out with her boring, bitchy boss anyway. It's probably better to just stay professional.

I whistle for a cab and give the driver my boyfriend's address. We've only been officially dating for a few months, but I've spent almost every night at his place. I almost forgot how nice it is to not be alone all the time.

My boyfriend, Alex, told me he loved me last night. Since then, I've had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. We've been friends for two years, so it's something we've said before, but this time was different. He meant that he is in love with me, and I panicked.

I didn't know what to say. I love Alex, and I appreciate his company, but I don't know if I'm there yet. He was really sweet about it, said he knows it's a big deal, and I can say it back when I'm ready. The only problem with that is, will I ever be ready?

There's only one person in my life that I'm really sure I loved. I don't know how to love someone else without taking away the part of myself that still belongs to him. I honestly just don't know how to do that. Or do I even want to? I think a part of me will always be his. As insane as that sounds, I kind of like it that way.

I step out of the cab and my phone rings, breaking me out of my thoughts. I smile when I see who's calling and answer it as I step in the doors to the building.

"Hey, ugly."

"Violet-" My brother exhales a huge breath on the other end, like he's relieved I picked up. "I need to talk to you."

"Uh, I'm a little busy." I lie and step into the elevator.

"It's about mom." He says quickly and my stomach twists at the mere mention of her.

"Okay, well, I'm definitely too busy for that." I roll my eyes and sigh heavily. "What did she do this time? Land herself in jail?"

"Violet-" Cas says softly, his voice breaking, and I freeze as I step out of the elevator, onto the floor of Alex's apartment. "Violet, mom is dead."

My vision goes white for a moment and I feel the color drain from my face. My phone falls out of my hand to the floor and it feels like all of the air has been sucked from my lungs. I bend down to pick my phone up off the ground and have to plant my hand on the wall for support when I stand back up. My head spins and I squeeze my eyes shut trying to ground myself.

"Are you okay? Is dad okay?" I ask frantically and cover my mouth with my hand, suddenly feeling like I have to throw up.

"Dad's fine," he assures me, "but Violet-"