"Who are you?" |Reader Insert| |Attack on Titan| |Book 1|

Hesitation

You had been away from the walls for a few hours. You hadn't moved from your spot for an hour because you were trying to pull your shit together. When you actually got up and went outside, the sun was rising. Your legs were shaky and you felt so tired. All you wanted was to sleep for a while. Maybe you'd be lucky enough to slip into a comatose. Your stomach was still churning around. You thought you were going to shit butter if you drank any milk. 

You slowly walked back towards the wall, not bothering to use your gloves. Once you got in front of the wall you slowly scaled back up it. Normally it took you about ten to fifteen minutes to scale the wall. Seconds if you jumped off of it, but it took you half an hour this time. You were off. Once you got to the top of the wall, you walked slowly towards the edge like a zombie before tipping over and falling off. Your glove hooked to a building and you descended down to the ground. Star was still there and she greeted you, but when she saw that you didn't respond, she snorted in confusion. She placed her muzzle under your chin and rubbed against you.

"Let's go back, Star... I'm tired," you said quietly and softly, leaning your head on her neck. She neighed lowly and bowed down so that you could get on her back easier.

~
"Where the hell were you?" Levi asked, coming up to you when you had entered the stables. You placed Star in her stable and made sure she was comfy before closing the door and walking away without saying a word or acknowledging him. "Oi, I'm talking to you." Levi grabbed your shoulder. Your head snapped around and Levi jumped slightly at your expression, which held nothing short of murder.

"Shut up Shithead, you're giving me a headache," you hissed quietly, but weakly. A look of shock quickly flashed across his face at your unusual tone.

"Oi, what the hell is wrong with you?" He asked. You turned your head back around and shrugged off his hand, and began to walk away.

"Everything." You walked back into the castle. Levi stood there, his mouth slightly opened. You weren't acting yourself. I mean yeah, you called him shithead like you always do, but something else was off. He usually didn't like to pry or care for other people that deeply, but now, not only was he concerned, but curious about you.

~
You sighed as you sat down on your bed, your back facing the door. You unzipped your mask and stared down at the stone floor. It was lunch and everyone was in the mess hall eating, so you were alone. You didn't feel like eating. You weren't hungry in the slightest. Your eyes darted back when you heard the door slowly open and you immediately zipped your mask back up.

"Red," Levi called, seeing your figure slouched over on the bed. You didn't respond, but lazily waved at him. "What's wrong, Red?" Levi slowly closed the door. You heard his footsteps walking closer to you.

"It's complicated," you replied quietly. Levi sighed and crossed his arms, sitting down on the bed next to you, but at the bottom of the bed.

"Start simple," he said. It was simple, but knowing that someone would actually try and understand you, made you feel good. However, not good enough to just spill. You sighed and Levi stared at you expectedly.

"I wasn't always like this. I was a normal child with a normal family and a normal life. Or as close to normal as one could get. When I was ten, my house was raided by these... people... I don't really remember who they were, but they were part of a cult," you began, crossing your legs and lying on your back on the bed. "I lived in a village outside of Wall Maria, but it was still close enough that we were considered citizens. My father and my mom had a one night stand when they were both drunk and that's how I was made. Surprise, surprise." You placed your arms underneath your head.

"My mom at first didn't know she was pregnant until she began to show. She almost got rid of me, but she apparently like my father so much she kept me in memory of him. Which was weird, cause they were both drunk, but whatever," you added. Levi never once said a word and just listened to you. "When I was born, my mom immediately tried to find my father to introduce me to him, but she couldn't find him for a while."

"I was five when I finally met my father. He was okay. Besides his alcoholic nature, he seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders. He and my mom seemed to genuinely like each other, so they decided to live together." You said with a small laugh. Levi's never heard you laugh before, let alone a chuckle. He was relieved to hear you relaxing for once, even if your voice went through a distorter. "A little after, my mom was pregnant again. This time with my brother. He was really cute. He had my moms eyes and my fathers hair." A small smile formed behind your mask.

"But when I turned ten, everything went to hell. That cult had broken into our house. They killed my brother and father on the spot and separated my mom and I. They dragged me over to some building. I don't remember where it's located," you lied. You knew where it was, but you didn't want to let him know. Your voice quieted and Levi could tell this wasn't headed in a good direction. "I'm not going into detail, but things happened. Things were lost and things were gained. I lost my true identity and gained this one. I lost my family and I gained solitude."

"That doesn't sound like an achievement," Levi pointed out, his brows furrowed.

"That may be so, but solitude is better than being with people who don't acknowledge you. It's basically the same," you retorted. Levi nodded. "The reason why I seemed to agitated earlier was because... I had seen the main woman of my... unhappiness." You rephrased it. Levi hummed and looked at you in shock.

"Who?"

"Rhea Nhor. She was the head of the cult. She's the reason why I am the way I am." You sat up. Levi nodded. "You should go have lunch or whatever." You took off your boots.

"What about you?" Levi asked, standing up.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to sleep." You de-weaponized yourself.

"Alright. Good night, Red," Levi said, walking towards the door.

"Y/n," you suddenly said. He stopped and looked back at you, his brows furrowed.

"What?"

"Y/n. That's my name. My real name." You lied down.

"Y/n..." He whispered to himself. The way your name rolled off his tongue felt good. He nodded and walked out of the basement, jogging up the stairs only to run into Hanji.

"What's wrong Levi? Your brows are furrowing more than usual," she asked with a hand on her chin.

"Red just..." Levi began. Hanji tilted her head.

"Just what?" She asked. Levi slowly raised his head to look at her.

"Told me her name..."

Unfortunately gender-neutral reader is now a girl. Or is assumed a girl. I'm not really good at this gender neutral stuff, sorry.

Edit: Literally not an excuse you fucking bitch

Ja ne!

{Ruby Red}