My mind

Letter to my Father

Dear Father,

           I know this may seem like a bit much but honestly, I'm doing what I want too. My mom has nothing to do with this. She has been the only reason I didn't do this sooner, so leave her out of this. As of right now I want nothing to do with you, I'm doing what is best for me and I don't really want you to have anyway to contact me as of now. I've had a different phone since January, so I really have no need for the one you pay for. I do have your number and will contact you when I am ready too.

           My reasons for doing this is because quite frankly you just don't treat me the same. I have always noticed that you have been quite distanced from me compared to the other kids, and I mean all of them. Austin is the only other kid you have distanced from other than me. If you don't know what I mean sit down and take a good long and hard look at how you have treated me compared to how you have treated the others.

          I'm not saying I'll never talk to you again, I'll contact you when I'm ready too. Until then I would like you to give me my space and let me do what I need to do. And please leave my mom out of this. She hasn't told me to do this. I'm doing myself. I was not influenced by anything to do this but rather it is my choice as a legal adult to do this.

Sincerely,

You daughter

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Joy,

         Well, I know you're an adult. So  let me help you. I did not distance myself from you. I distanced myself from drama. I texted you or called you almost daily to no response. And every couple of weeks I would get a "I'm sorry, I'm busy", I was excited when you asked if you could move in. I care about you and love you as much as all of my kids. I want to be close but when you come over, you stay in your shell. You know I'm not a big talker, I'm caring and loving. So yes in the beginning it was hard on me. I lived at work for a couple of weeks, then lived in a cheap ass hotel as long as I could, then a cabin that was smaller than your old bedroom, then I slept in the suburban for 10 months. Trust me not being close to you or hearing from you hurts. I listened to you when you said leave you alone because I didn't want to bug you, but yes it hurt. I already knew you had another phone. I'm not in the dark. I'm an observer. I see things. I have been worried about you for a long time. Remember me coming home and coming in the cheer you up when you were having those thoughts. Because I love you with all of myself. You're part of me. But I'll say how I feel. The only time I would hear from you is when you needed something. Got you a new phone, then you ghosted me. Joy (used my full name) you are my daughter. I look at you like the rest. I miss you tremendously. I can't wait for the day to see you and give you a big hug. I am not perfect. No one is, so I'm sorry for the way you feel. I hope one day you can forgive me and look at the love I have for you. I want a relationship. So I will sit here patiently waiting for you. Just remember tomorrow is never promised.

Joy (full name again) daddy loves you

Love always,

Your daddy

x~X~x

I can literally go into detail how most of the stuff from my father's letter is wrong. I can do that if y'all want me too. But yeah even after me telling him not to contact me he did anyways. I don't really have words for this because what is there even tell besides the fact my father pushed my boundaries aside for the idek how many times and that he didn't even try to look at anything even after I point it out.

Grammer fixes and correct ways to spell the words on my father's letter done by me because he didn't even try to google how some of the words are spelled.

This post is a farewell to the daughter who wanted her father. I'm putting a stop to it because the daughter is long gone. This is where I say good fucking bye to my piece of shit father. Sorry for the language. 

Until We Meet Again

                   ~Joy