Mr. Moneybags | jb

Chapter 11 - Anniversary part 2

The next day I got to do what I had planned for yesterday - I balled my eyes out with some red wine. To keep them from worrying I wrote my family and friends via facebook that I didn't have my phone and was doing just fine. Lying was so much easier via text...

Last year I spend the day with friends at my house in Germany. I couldn't stand my family all feeling sorry for themselves on that day. We got drunk, visited the cemetery and I cried until I had no tears left to shed. Today was pretty much the same, only that I was alone.

To put myself in even more misery I watched old photos and listened to the music played at the funeral while balling my eyes out until I had cried myself dry. I probably looked like a complete mess, but I didn't care. This morning I took a shower and dressed in one of my brother's sweaters and some leggings.

Why did this happen to me? Why did they leave me alone? Why did the bastard have to do this to them? Why did they leave this world way too soon? Why didn't I get to go down with them? What on earth was the reason for all this to happen? Why did I have to live this nightmare? What did I do to deserve this?

Who is gonna walk me down the isle? Who is gonna decide whether a guy is good enough for me? Who is gonna advise me on how to be a good mother? Who will get me through pregnancy? Who will advise me on my career? Who is gonna call me out for doing the wrong thing? Who is gonna pick me up at a train station in the middle of the night when I get scared? Who is gonna be there for me no matter what? Where is my safe haven? Who is gonna catch me if I fall? Who will support me no matter what? Who will love me no matter what? Who will help me pick up the pieces when I mess up? Who is gonna push me to be the best version of myself? Who is gonna challenge me all the time?

I knew I shouldn't be asking these questions. I knew they would only cause more pain, but I couldn't help myself. I was spiraling deeper and deeper into a hole. Can't I just be drunk already? I had already finished one bottle of red and it was only 3 in the afternoon. Deep down I knew that I wasn't gonna get drunk today though I didn't even have any food yet. At least not the way I got drunk when I went out with friends to have a good time. Nevertheless I decided to get myself another bottle of red to get me through the day. As I rummaged around the kitchen for the bottle opener the door bell rung. Who the fuck dares to interrupt me today? I don't wanna see anyone. Maybe they'll go away if I ignore it.

When I was almost certain I succeeded the door bell went off again. "Go away!" I said though they wouldn't hear. Who the hell is that obnoxious? There was another ring and I went for the door rolling my eyes.

"I should have known only you could be this obnoxious." I said rolling my eyes as I met Justin's gaze.

"Hello to you too. I was just gonna drop off your phone." He was hurt. Shit!

"Sorry, that was rude." I moved aside so he could walk in. "Thank you." I told him as he handed me my phone.

"It was blowing up all day. I thought it might be important."

"That's only my family being annoying." I said over my shoulder as I walked back into the kitchen to finish opening my bottle.

"Wow. What are we celebrating at this hour?" Justin asked raising his eyebrows looking at the bottle in my hands.

"The two year anniversary of the worst day of my life. Cheers!" I said sarcastically drinking a sip straight from the bottle. He didn't say anything. "Look, I'm not in the mood today and I'm probably not the best company, so you may wanna go and spend time with your family or something." I said honestly.