The Prince of K-Pop || Bang Chan FF

Chapter Thirteen

          Naty sat across from Chan on one of the picnic tables outside of the establishment. The umbrella was drawn to cast more of a shadow over their features. They sat furthest away from the entrance of the In-N-Out with Chan's back to the door so he could eat in peace. It was that way for the other Stray Kids members. Naty realized only after she had begun to eat that they were all present too.

          The other seven members were divided into four and three with two accompanying body guards. While they ate, they sat with their back to the door, as Chan did but, but when they were done and had their mask on, they were free to roam around. It was a perfect plan. They fit in with the other patrons and the noise of the music and the establishment obscured their voices. It was just a regular Saturday night at the In-N-Out and no one had any idea it was being visited by Idols.

          "So, your anxiety gets pretty rough when you don't eat?" Chan asked after carefully swallowing his mouthful.

          Naty blushed and looked down at her food, "Yeah, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to worry anyone or be a pain. It just happens sometimes."

          "I understand completely. All of us deal with anxiety and panic attacks from time to time. It's out of your control," Chan's sincerity made her feel already so much more relaxed, "Do you know what triggers it?"

          "Mostly, yeah, feeling like I have no control over the situation," none of her friends had ever genuinely asked her about her triggers before and she found herself struggling to articulate it.

          "A lot of life is out of control," he sighed before taking another bite of his food. Many people had said those words to Naty as a way to belittle her or shame her for her anxiety but Chan's tone was different. It was the first time she had heard the words with compassion and not judgement.

          "It is," Naty nodded, "So, I try to take good care of myself to minimize the edge. Make sure I eat three meals a day, making sure I'm hydrated, making sure I've had some exercise to get rid of extra energy or even doing something creative to have an outlet. Even making a list and checking things off is helpful but mostly...talking to my friends and my followers is the biggest relief and the best distraction."

          Chan was quiet as he seemed to ponder her words. It wasn't until a full minute later that he looked into Naty's eyes and replied, "You haven't really been able to do any of that since you've been here."

          She could see the guilt in his eyes and so she shook her head, "No, that's not true. I've been talking to my friends. Obviously, I've been giving them a fake story but still keeping things kind of accurate with how I'm feeling. This was different. Sometimes I get so excited for a plan and I set so much expectation and so much energy that if it ends up not happening...I guess my body just can't handle the disappointment. I'm spoiled."

          "You're not spoiled. That's not spoiled at all," Chan wiped his hands clean before reaching over and taking both of hers into his, "I know exactly what you're talking about. I go through that very often with award shows and B.S. like that. Usually putting on a brave face for the Kids and trying to be the best leader I can be sort of takes me out of it until I can process the feelings. Being the best leader is really the only thing that helps me at all. But I don't think it's spoiled. I think it's just the body preparing itself so much for one outcome that when another outcome occurs it's kind of like, 'Ahhh, what do I do??' You know?"

          Naty felt like she was going to cry, "My dad says something similar."

          "Well, your dad sounds like a cool guy," Chan grinned, "I'm so happy that you're here though. I was really crushed when the show ended and they told us that they had to move us to another hotel. You should have seen the fit I threw."