The Prince of K-Pop || Bang Chan FF

Chapter Seventy-Four Bang Chan's POV

          Bang Chan knew there were no angels in Seoul. He had found out the hard way as a child alone across international waters. Back then his hope could light up the city but, slowly, reality diminished his glow. The man did not feel another flicker until his members found him. After that it was the airport with Naty Higuera.

          But there were no angels in Seoul.

          He knew that.

          So why did he think Naty would bother to stay?

          The man sat, alone, in the studio he had claimed to finish Donna's debut. From his position in the other studio, Chris could hear Donna laying down vocals from the monitor watching them while Han and Changbin gave suggestions and advice. There had been a complete change to Donna who seemed to truly accept their feedback while expanding her thought process on the emotion the songs should convey. There was humor in the fact that they would already be done if she had been this way from day one. Chris wondered if Donna would have been cooperative sooner if he had removed himself from the beginning.

          He scoffed at himself.

          Those thoughts were useless but Chan was used to useless thoughts. His mind had been plagued with them since Naty uttered the words: "I leave next Tuesday." The words gave him a jarring reminder that he had only a few days left with her and some of those days would be in another country and then...

          ...he didn't know.

           That was truthfully what was so frightening.

          He did not know what would happen when she left.

          Of course, they would go back to long distance. They would go back to chatting as much as possible through messaging and having at least one video call a week. There would be the surprises and the shipments and the voice memos. Already they had plans to see each other again and for Australia no less! Chris was sure he could get Naty to return to South Korea for at least the week before heading to Australia together and then? She would meet his family!

          Of course, he knew all that.

          But his relationship wasn't the concern.

          It was himself.

         Chan shut his eyes to suffocate the moisture building in his orbs. The man felt like a fresh wound that was desperately fighting off infection and trying to heal. Naty's words had ripped him or, possibly worse, ripped something out of him. He had no clue what it could have been but since he got the reminder—"I leave next Tuesday."—there was a part of him clawed out that had been buried for a long time. Whatever that thing was terrified him to the point of avoiding the woman he loved and even going as far as to pretend to be asleep when she came home.

         Yes, he was ashamed to admit that he was pretending to be asleep.

         Her delicate voice thrilled by the possibility of his existence had rung through the condo but instead of rising to meet it he shrank. The man had laid in bed aching for her arrival but when it came, he shrank. It was the first time Chris had truly felt afraid of Naty but he had no clue why and so when she came to find him he shut his eyes and feigned rest. Tears spilled into the sheets that had once held their scent as he listened to her footsteps retreat to the other room. He was afraid of her...and that fear made him angry.

          Chan had made many calls to Junho-ssi—his therapist—but the man had no other availability except for their standing appointments on Monday. It was a curse that he had seen his therapist the morning before that tragic reminder of Naty's departure. If she had reminded him on Sunday, he could have discussed it on Monday and enjoyed the week with some introspection. But the opportunity was gone from him and so he would have to wait. He imagined Junho-ssi's advice would be to journal about it or to recall a time when he felt the same way or to sit and think about where in his body he felt the anger.