When the Sun Begins to Die

Chapter 15

Cadence P.O.V

Josh and I don't talk for the rest of the night. He decides not to pry. I'm rather surprised that he doesn't ask why I've been cutting everyone out, he seems like the type who would want to know.

I fall asleep after a while and sleep for several hours. Normally I do not dream, but I will have the occasional nightmare. Tonight was different, however. I actually managed to have a decent, but strange dream.

I dreamed that Josh and I were cuddling in the forest. The only thing was that we weren't in The Oasis, we were somewhere else. I'm not sure where. It was sunny and warm and the sun looked normal. It wasn't any strange color, it seemed just as it should. The dream felt happy, the aura was relaxing. Josh and I shared a sweet kiss and then the dream ended. It faded to darkness.

I sit up in bed and look at Josh. He is sound asleep, facing the wall. I look at the window and see that the sky is still pitch black. It won't be morning for a while.

I feel a hot liquid running down my cheeks and realize that I am crying, not because I am sad, but because I was happy. In my dream I was happy. All the sadness in the world was gone for a short while. I felt complete for the first time in my life.

I run my fingers through my hair and tug at the ends softly. My emotions have finally reached the point where I can feel them. Normally I block them out and appear emotionless, but now I can't. It only continues to grow in difficulty.

I get up slowly, tiptoeing to the bathroom. That is the only private place in the apartment. I sit down in the bathtub and have my quiet break down. I try to be quiet because I don't want to wake Josh. He deserves a peaceful sleep.

I hug my knees to my chest and rock gently, resting my forehead against my knees as I cry. I hug myself because I am my only support system. I never let anyone get close enough to comfort me. I have to be strong and take care of myself.

'It was just a dream, nothing more. I've only known Josh for a short time. He is the first person to want to be my friend. My heart is taking him and trying to force me to have emotions for him. I've been alone for so long that it's willing to pick anyone at this point. I can't let it do this to me. Even if Josh and I were to have a relationship of any kind it wouldn't work out because I would not have a child and then I would be evicted from The Oasis. There is no point in starting anything.'

I lose track of time while I sulk in the tub. I am exhausted from crying and feel myself getting closer to sleep. I eventually can't even keep my eyes open. I am too tired.