When the Sun Begins to Die

Chapter 50

Cadence P.O.V

'I can't believe I'm actually going back with the person who betrayed me. How could I be so stupid? Why on Earth would I do such a thing? He's going to try and mend our broken relationship. I can't let that happen. He'll only continue to betray me for the government.'

Josh tries to hold my hand several times while we walk. I assume it must be a habit for him at this point. Unfortunately for him, I am in no mood to touch him. I simply swat his hand away and keep walking.

The sadness in his eyes becomes more apparent in the lighting of the apartment. The fluorescent lights make the tears shine beautifully, as tragic as they must be for him to hold in.

Some small part of me feels sympathetic towards him because I know he is in pain. I force those feelings into the lowest part of me so they won't come back up. He doesn't deserve my sympathy.

I lay down on my bed and turn my back towards Josh. I hear him sigh and glance in his direction. He is clearly sad.

"I'm not going to crawl back to you just because you're acting like a depressed puppy," I mutter harshly, turning my back to him once more.

"I'm not trying to guilt trip you into a relationship. I betrayed you and I don't deserve to be with someone as great as you. I should've told you the truth. That was my mistake," he says softly.

"Yeah, it was. I wouldn't have broken up with you if you had told me the truth. I can't forgive you for this," I tell him.

He wraps up in a blanket and I see the tears run down his cheeks. It takes everything I have not to get up and hugs him tightly. I'm supposed to hate Josh for stabbing me in the back.

'I'm supposed to dislike Josh at the very least. I'm not supposed to feel sympathetic towards him. He is supposed to be miserable for hurting me. I can't believe that I want to hug him. Part of me wants to have him back.'

'These few months with Josh have been the best of my life. Now it's like they have all exploded because of a lie. A life changing, relationship destroying, lie. But yet I still wish to have Josh because I was so happy with him. I had never been happier.'

Whenever I'm around Josh my heart rate increases and I get butterflies in my stomach. Even when I tell myself that I hate him those two feelings will not leave. I wish they would but I know that I will never truly get over Josh.

I sit up after a few moments and sigh. I finally get up and hug him. He is just as surprised as I am about this.

"I'm still pissed at you," I mumble, "but this is just a hug."

He smiles and hugs me tight. "Even if you hate me, I'll take it."