When the Sun Begins to Die

Chapter 56

Josh P.O.V

It has been about four months since we found out Cadence was pregnant. He has been doing well with his vitamins and he seems okay with his dysphoria. I can tell that it's there, but it's not severe like I feared.

Cadence's bump has grown to a good size. It's obvious that he is self-conscious about it, but I think it's cute. I'm glad he's showing.

We still aren't officially back together, but I like to think we are. Cadence says having me around makes him feel better, as much as he hates me. I consider that a pretty good start.

"Josh," he says softly, "I'm cold. Will you cuddle with me?"

Cadence has been more open to touching considering the situation we're in. I don't mind it at all. I actually enjoy it. Unfortunately, once he feels better he practically pushes me away to remind me that I am still hated by him. It's a little upsetting, but a start.

I get up and climb into his bed, pulling him close. He gets cold rather easily, even with blankets and jackets. Although I don't mind because it means we can be closer.

"Better?" I ask, pulling the cover over us to trap more heat.

He nods and lays his head on my chest. I tease his hair gently for a few moments before he sits up and readjusts himself.

"Not there," he says softly while putting my hand on his stomach.

I am surprised to feel a soft tapping. The baby is kicking. Cadence has a soft smile while laying his head on my shoulder.

'Even when Cadence claimed he would be miserable during his pregnancy, I could see the slightest hint of happiness in his eyes. There were a lot of different emotions, but I could see that small bit of happiness. He is happy, even if it's just a little bit that he ends up denying it.'

Cadence smiles and puts his hand over mine. During times like these, my mind likes to think that everything is back to the way it once was. It seems like Cadence and I are back together and that we are deeply in love. Unfortunately, that isn't the case.

"I love you," I say with a smile.

Cadence's smile slowly disappears and his hand slides off of mine. This is not the first time this has happened and it certainly won't be the last either.

"Josh," Cadence says softly, "I know it's been a while, but what you did hurt me in the worst way possible. I know you still love me and want to make things work, now more than ever, but I don't know when, or if I'll ever be able to say it back."

I sigh and nod. It stings to not have Cadence tell me that he loves me. It's been months and there's hardly any progress there. Luckily he got over his violent and vulgar phase and is more tolerate of me now.

'I do love Cadence, very much. I want to fix things and be there for our family. Even if it takes a lot of time I'm willing to be there for as long as it takes for Cadence to forgive me. I love him.'