When the Sun Begins to Die

Chapter 51

Josh P.O.V

There is still no real progress between Cadence and I. We've hugged a few times and that's about it. There is no cuddling, hand holding, nothing. It's very saddening.

Lately, Cadence has been getting sick nearly every morning. I am worried about him and even suggested taking him to the infirmary. Unfortunately, he refused and says he will just ride out whatever bug he has.

It isn't long into the morning before I hear the faint sounds of vomiting from the bathroom. I get up to check on Cadence, but he has the door locked so I cannot get in. He is serious about doing this himself.

I sigh and lay back in bed and wait for him to finish. It pains me to hear him suffer and that he won't let me help him while he's sick.

After about twenty minutes Cadence slumps out of the bathroom, holding his stomach. It's obvious that he does not feel well.

"You really should go to the infirmary," I say softly, watching him nearly collapse onto his bed.

"No, I don't trust the doctors here. The government will say something's wrong and tell me I need medication and put me on estrogen or something," he argues, hugging his pillow.

While I doubt that the infirmary would actually do that to him I wouldn't doubt that the government might at least try. They have been against Cadence since the minute he arrived and that's partly because of his parents.

They knew that Cadence was trying to transition and yet they still promised he would produce a child. I'm fairly certain that Cadence would rather die than do that.

"If you're still sick by the end of next week you're going to the infirmary, no objections," I say with a sigh.

He rolls his eyes at me and gives me a rather irritated look. It's obvious that he doesn't like me telling him what to do.

"I will go when I fucking feel like it, Josh. Don't fucking tell me what I'm going to do. We're not together anymore, so you have absolutely no say in what decisions I make. You lost that privilege when you lied to me," he snaps harshly, turning his back to me.

I sigh softly and stare at the ceiling. "You're never going to forgive me," I say quietly, more to myself than to him.

He sits up and glares at me from across the room. He is fuming with rage.

"Why should I? You stabbed me in the back! You ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it! How could you do that to me!? And how the fuck would you ever expect me to forgive you!?" he screams, tears of rage pouring from his eyes.

It pains me to see him so angry and sad at the same time. I can tell that he is more hurt and is trying to hide it with anger. Unfortunately for him, he can't hide it all.

"I'm sorry, Cadence. I never meant for it to go that far. I didn't know about the estrogen and I wanted to tell you. It was killing me inside that I was lying to you. I wanted to tell Greene that I couldn't do it, but then everything went to shit," I tell him.

He throws his pillow at me and snarls. "Don't try to play the fucking victim in this situation! You made your own fucking mistakes and now you're paying the price! Do me a favor, and fuck off because now you have me more pissed than before!"

He gets up and heads to the bathroom. The door slams roughly and I hear the lock click. It's the only real private place in the apartment. I sigh and rub my face gently, staring at the door.

'How am I ever going to fix things between us?'