58. River

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Eventually the squad found an old, large shack in a rural area within Wall Rose. The shack was surrounded by trees and a few hundred yards over there was a river. On the way there, no one spoke. 

Upon opening the large wooden door they heard a scurry of mice and rats flee for them. Levi let out a notable sigh as he entered. Inside the shack were a few shabby, dusty wooden bunk beds in the corners, some empty crates and many bales of hay. The wooden beams that supported the roof were covered in cobwebs, and there seemed to a be a birds nest in the far corner. 

"I think it's safe to say the place is deserted. You can take off your gear now." Levi spoke to the group. He still had half his face covered in smudges of dried up blood. The squad obliged silently. 

"(y/n), did you still have some food?" Levi asked. The remainder of the squad, which included Connie, Mikasa, Sasha, Jean, Armin, Levi and herself, sat on a bunch of crates in the middle of the shack. They had a small fire in the middle providing a little bit of warmth and light, though it was far from enough to lighten the mood. 

"Oh right... Forgotten all about that." she mumbled, pulling sandwiches out of her bag. She passed them out, Sasha blessing her.  She gave the last two to Levi, who sat beside her. 

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked her, taking only one. "Have one yourself." (y/n) looked to the fire. 

"Not really hungry." she muttered shortly. 

"I don't remember asking. Eat it." he spoke, ending the argument. She shot him a glare, but knew he meant well. 

"Jean... There's something I don't understand." Armin eventually spoke softly, his eyes still as wide as they were in the afternoon.

"What that?"

"When I turned around and tried to save you, that woman already had a gun to your head.... How could I have shot first....?" 

Jean looked down, trembling slightly. "I don't know..."

"You shot first because she hesitated." Levi spoke resolutely. "It's simple." Armin looked up with sad eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Armin. You wouldn't have had to save me if I'd just done my job." Jean apologized. 

"I know what it must be." Armin replied, looking unfocused. "The woman I shot back there, I bet she was a kind person. A better person than me. I pulled that trigger so easily... Without a thought... I'm -"

"A killer." Levi finished for him. That shook the rest awake too. Geez, Levi, way to be sensitive about it. (y/n) couldn't help but think. "And now that your hands have been soaked in blood, the person you once were is gone for good." Dude lighten up!?  

"Why would you say that!" Mikasa interjected, standing up for Armin. 

"And you shouldn't regret it for one moment." Levi spoke louder. "Armin, if you'd chosen to keep your hands clean, Jean would be a corpse on a cart right now". Jean and (y/n) cringed at the idea of that. "I'll tell you why you pulled the trigger. It was because your comrade was about to die. Everyone in our squad survived today, because you, (y/n) and I got blood on our hands. We don't judge you. We thank you."

It was silent for a moment. Armin was smart enough to know he was right, that if he hadn't done what he did Jean would be dead, but his emotions had yet to listen to his rationality. 

"Captain Levi... I thought it was wrong of you to order us to kill... other people. I mean, we became soldiers to protect people. But now, I see that I was in the wrong, sir! Next time, I swear I'll shoot. I'll be brave like you, and Armin and (y/n)." Jean spoke, regretting having put Armin in that position. 

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