A Place Of Despair (UF!Sans x Depressed!Reader)

1: unliving once more :1

I sighed, turning off the screen of my phone and tucking it between my legs for what felt like the millionth time. I was secretly hoping Cal would be awake and somehow convince me that I was being irrational and stupid, like I had tried to tell myself so many times. It didn't work from me, so maybe it would work from him.

I glanced down, checking it again. The clock now read in bright white letters 12:20, standing out from the black background of my lock screen. I had received no messages, and nobody had come looking for me.

I hugged my guitar case closer. I knew very well that I was being stupid by bringing it along, but it held everything that mattered to me. My guitar; a few of my favorite books, like (f/b); a few Polaroid pictures of me and Cal, because I'm 'aesthetic' or whatever; a portable and regular phone charger, which I took everywhere out of sheer habit; a sketch pad; as well as a few other small necessities, like band-aids and a few pens. It was stupid, and I was very aware of that. But I guess I just wanted to die with the things I cared about- even if that did mean someone would find a few dusty pens next to my corpse.

I sat cross-legged near the edge of the 'Bottomless Pit of Ebbott,' a place of local, and seemingly national, legend. Six kids had gone missing on this mountain, said to have fallen down this hole, and they never returned- no bodies were found or anything. Not only that, but there had been 3,647 suicides that happened on this mountain. 1,322 murder cases had been solved because people had dumped bodies here, and 952 murders had occurred on the mountain itself. There were also a ton of bodies here with no explanation, an estimated 4,506 in total. Many of them quite clearly murders with no found killer, others with no explanation at all. Just a body, sitting there.

The town near it, Ebbott Town, was known for entirely the opposite. Which was weird, to say the least. Everybody knew everybody, and it was actually a pretty happy, average mountain town. Nobody in the immediate town was a murderer, or at least, nobody who lived there had been convicted of murder. I had a few suspicions- or rather, Cal did, and I started to go along with them, because his hypotheses were actually kind-of believable. A few previous residents had killed themselves, but other than that, it was an entirely average small town. People were mourned, then everything went back to usual. Smiling neighbors talking to each other about that morning's paper or the most recent news on the Kardashians, or something, and just the previous day they had witnessed their best friend's or neighbor's funeral.

It was sad, but the town wouldn't be able to function if it was any other way. The cold, hard truth hits like a ton of bricks sometimes. The best way to clear your mind of it is to ignore it entirely.

Maybe I came up here to do it because I wanted to be remembered in some way- even if it was part of a, probably inaccurate, suicide poll. Number 3,648, present and accounted for. Rest In Pepperoni, motherfucker, have fun in hell.

I checked my phone again. 12:24. No new notifications. I sighed again, a knowing frown gracing my lips. Same routine, same reaction.

I guess it must be for the best, then. This must be what the future holds for me. Or rather, where the future ends for me. If nobody cares enough to try and keep you alive, why should you stay that way? Nobody cares, so there's no point.

Simple, cold logistics. That's how everything runs. Facts and logic. If you think with your heart, you're doomed before you even step into the real world.

I stood up from my sitting position, tucking my phone into the front pocket of my guitar case then zipping it closed, settling the instrument and various trinkets on my back using the black strap attached to the padded casing. I stared down into the abyss that was the 'Bottomless Pit of Ebbott,' and it seemed to loom more threateningly than I remembered. The shadow casted by the moon made it so that it seemed ten times deeper than it did during the day, although, I guess that can't be helped. It was pretty dark outside, despite the clear skies. That's midnight, for 'ya.