Foxtails and Fairytales: Facades and Fables of the Phantom Prince

[Arc 11] Ch. 1 Hate? Love?

This was a dream, it had to be, it was too perfect, too amazing, too miraculous.

It's my dream, right?

I let my emotions take over, I don't have the strength to pretend to be serious.

I grab his face and kiss him. it's a sloppy kiss as I have no experience, but I don't care, I don't CARE! I press my lips against his time and time again. I kiss him until I started weeping.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I wept.

He moved the guitar out of the way, and I curled into him. I buried my face in the crook of his neck. I reach around his back clench the fabric of his shirt with my hands.

"I'm so... so sorry!" I cried. "I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for hating you. I'm sorry for all the mean things I did. I'm sorry for breaking Amelia. I'm sorry for chasing you out of the kingdom. I'm sorry for loving you. I'm sorry for not realizing it sooner. I'm sorry for falling in love with Hyde too. I'm sorry for everything! I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I clawed at his back as if I were drowning and need to hold on to something.

"I don't know what to do anymore! I'm so confused! Please help me. I don't deserve it but please save me from myself. I'm so lost. Ever since you left... I'm sorry for being a devil. I'm so sorry!" I let out a wail of emotion that shook my entire body.

I expected him to push me away. I knew he would. I'm not worthy of love. I'm not worthy of being loved, especially by him. I expected him to throw me away like the trash that I am. To call me the devil again and leave me behind again. I deserved that.

I wailed again and braced for the inevitable.

"Shh shh shh." He soothed as he wrapped his arms around me. It wasn't to crush me, and it wasn't to throw me away. He held me and rocked me back and forth as he stroked my hair. "It's alright, It's okay." He sang softly into my ear.

"It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay
You're not a monster, just a human
And you made a few mistakes
It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay
You're not gruesome, just human
And you made a few mistakes."

It was just the sound of his voice, but it was still beautiful. All my surging emotions, all my pain was washed away. Everything became as calm as the tide brushing up against the beach.

"Do you think I sang that song by accident?" Sebas said as he stroked my hair. It felt so nice.

"But I did so many terrible things." I sniffled as if to say he was wrong, it's not alright.

"The most terrible thing you could have ever down is remain ignorant and unrepentant. But you didn't, did you?" He inquired.

"No, but... it's still not okay. There are so many things I can't fix." I pleaded for him to understand how terrible I am.

"Who said you had to fix everything? I know I sure didn't." He explained with such a gentle voice that it touched something deep inside me.

"You didn't...?" I felt like he should have. I felt like it was what he's been trying to tell me all this time.

"Nope. Doesn't sound like something I would say." He confessed.

I sat up to look him in the eyes. HE HAD TO UNDERSTAND! "But that's what you kept saying!"

"I only ever wanted you to open your eyes." He leaned forward slightly and caressed my face for a second as he wiped away my tears with his thumbs. "When did I ever tell you that you have to fix anything?"

I wanted to argue, I felt like I had the perfect example in my head. I went through all of my memories of our time together. But it never came.

"Often times, forgiving ourselves, is harder than forgiving each other. We can set impossible expectations of ourselves that are impossible to meet because we believe we are beyond forgiveness." He said but his eyes were so sad as if he were speaking from experience.