I Fall Apart ♢ Max Verstappen

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 44

♫ I get so lost inside your eyes
Would you believe it? ♫

Max Verstappen POV

"What happened?" I ask as soon as I could talk, this is taking a toll on me.

"She- Um- Oh God" Her mom says before crying and Jacob hugs her.

"We were inside and were talking to her when one of the machines started to make noise and then the others followed. She is not okay, I don't think she will make it Max. My baby girl can't suffer like this" He says while tears flooded his eyes and I feel my eyes get watery.

"She will be okay, this is just a step back. She is not in her best moment but she will recover from this" I think I was trying to believe my own words but I felt the need to scream and cry. However, someone needed to keep it all together or we would all fall apart.

"Mr. and Mrs. Bakker. We need you to make a tough decision right now" The doctor says getting out of the room, half of the team did the same and the machines seemed to quiet down.

"What decision?" Lottie asks with her voice breaking and her eyes swollen.

"She will have serious brain damage if this goes on. She has been resuscitated more times than we should've. I needed you to arrive so a decision could be made by the family. You need to decide if you want us to keep reviving her. Her health cares are at your hands right now, I don't know what your daughter would've wanted but I know this could come with great damage if she survives it" He says and I feel my heart breaking, he can't really be saying we have to choose between fighting for her life or letting her body fail and seeing her die.

"We will discuss it as a family but- Hm- Do you think she will survive this? Is this causing her pain? Is my daughter suffering?" Jacob asks and I couldn't believe this was happening. Yesterday everything was fine, and now nothing is fine.

"I don't think she will survive, unfortunately, her state is critical and very bad at the moment. Her body is failing her but I think she wants to survive, she is trying. Her body fails, and her heart stops but she fights back. We were on the edge of declaring her death and her heart started beating after our last effort. I don't think she wants to die but this decision is yours and yours only" 

I couldn't explain how much I was suffering hearing all this. The love of my life is dying, in front of me. I am watching and thinking of whether I let her fight against death and be permanently damaged for life if she succeeds. Or I have to let her go. Our two kids will lose their mother, and Emilia will be broken with too many memories of the woman who sacrificed all she knew for her. And the younger one will have no recollection of the woman who loved him so much and who died to have him.

And this. This is breaking me.

"I can't keep seeing her like this Max. She is our baby. She can't be suffering like this for an indefinite time" Lottie says while sobbing and I nod.

"Please. Give her some time. Her body will get stronger, she is fighting, she wants to leave. You can't do this to her. You can't do this to them. And you certainly can't do this to me" I say and look them straight in the eyes. They saw how broken I was, I know they did.

"She could be permanently damaged" Jacob says and I shake my head deleting those words from it.

"That's a possibility, that's not for sure. But she goes against the odds, she survived until now. She can survive this, I will take care of her and whatever damage she may have. I will take responsibility but I need her. I love her. I have two kids with her. You can't do this. I know she is your daughter but she is my family, she is my wife and she is the mother of my children. You can't just give up. She isn't giving up, why should we?" I say while my voice was breaking, I felt a lump in my throat, I was at my wits end. I couldn't be strong for much longer.

"We will give her more time, we will not make this decision now" She says and I take a deep breath of relief.

We went back to the living room and my mom understood immediately something was wrong as soon as she saw me, and so did Victoria and then Emilia.

"Did something happen dad? Is mom worse?" She aks and I see her little eyes fulling with worry.

"No, mom is alright, she is sleeping right now" I say feeling so much guilt that she has to be here right now.

"You should go to mommy then, she doesn't like to sleep alone" She says innocently and I hug her trying to hold down the tears.

"I will go to mommy's side then. You should go to the hotel with your aunt. I will see you later my princess" I say and she nods.

"Can I see mommy later too?" She asks and Victoria gets up.

"We will see if mommy is awake later. Let's go, Luka and Lio are waiting for you" SHe says distracting her. She gives me a hug before leaving and only when they left did I let my body hit the chair while I sobbed and cried.

"She si going to be alright son" My mom says trying to calm me down.

I know she can recover, if someone can it's her. But is it within the time her parents are thinking of keeping her like this or will I lose her?

"I need to come back to her" I say and she nods.

"We will be here, we are here to support you" My mom says and I leave.

I look at Mia and I sit on the chair beside her bed, I put my hand on hers and I just stayed there caressing her hand and her cheek. She was gorgeous, even when she looked like a ghost of her. But she was the most gorgeous person I've known, she looked like an angel when she smiled at me. She was genuine from the beginning to the end. I wish we never parted ways but I'm glad we did because I know how much I loved her. So, I can't lose her. I will fight for her until the end.