365 Days (Part 2) | ✓

242. Cheater

242. Cheater: Write about someone who is unfaithful.

There's the smell of desperation in the air. If you don't know what desperation smells like, it smells like rot, and old wood, and something hot that's going to explode any moment. Or maybe that's what I smell like, because I'm certainly desperate.

The boys are asleep. They have no idea. It's agony to look into their innocent eyes and know they won't be innocent much longer. Things will have to change. I cannot bear to remain married to this man anymore.

This man. I don't even call him mine anymore. I wondered when it was I lost him. I wonder how I could have been so blind. Of course, I knew our marriage had problems, but I didn't ever imagine he would do this.

How could he do this to me?!

I placed my head in my hands. It feels light and heavy at the same time, and I'm not entirely sure where the floor or the ceiling is. I can't believe this. This can't be happening. No no no no, please no.

It turns into a prayer -- one of those broken, halting pleadings to God. Why? I want to scream at Him. What have I done to deserve this?

What have I done?

I meant forever when I said "I do" to my high school sweetheart. Did he mean it too? Did he mean to do this? With my friend... I can't believe he did this.

How could he do this to me? To us? How could he do this?

Why?

Why why why? I don't know if I want my answer more from him or God.

I want to die. My life is ruined. We’re ruined. My marriage is ruined. I can't believe he's done this.

His parents don't know and neither do mine. Only I do. I think about me and him: all of our good memories. Were they fake? If they lead to tragedy like this, are they fake?

He doesn't love me then. Then why -- God, please answer me -- do I still love him? Even though I want to kill him?

How could this have happened?

What will I tell our children?

~~~

A few months after my mother had her fourth son with her high school sweetheart husband, he cheated on her with her friend. She was devastated, if one word can describe everything she went through. They divorced and my mother struggled to raise 4 boys. Years later, my mom met my dad at church. He too had been married before. They fell in love and got married, and discovered everything they lacked in their first marriages in each other. They had my older brother, Zachary, and adopted me. This story is dedicated to my mother, who showed amazing courage in simply living and trying when she had no hope. The song linked above, God Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts is "their song."