365 Days (Part 2) | ✓

254. Timer

254. Timer: Set a timer for 5 minutes and just write. Don't worry about it making sense or being perfect.

I had a dream about him again last night. I have been doing that lately, dreaming about him, and I wish I could say it's fate or whatever that causes this, but in reality, I just want something I can't have. I wish I could say something different or do it again so we could be different now. Waking up from that dream was so painful. It's painful to have to live without you and not to know when I'm going to see you again. I miss you and I wish you saw that i did. I'm not the type of girl who messages a boy randomly but i did for you and I wish you saw how much that meant.

I wonder what to do. I want to let you to and say it was nothing. I wish it wasn't. I want to stop my heart and stop loving you. I want so many things. I want to be yours and you to be mine, but i know better. That wont happen at least not soon. I think that's my problem. I want to be strong but I also want a fairytale and I don't know that I can have both.

It’s no fairytale, this unrequited love. Even though I'm young and stupid and all of the things that people make fun of, I do still love you. I know because i would do anything for you and consider it an honor to sacrifice something of mine for you. I do know i love you.

But this feeling of being something thats gradually fading into a forgotten memory for you, i hate it. it hurts i don't know what to do or how to deal with this pain. i wish there was a switch i could turn off or a tonic i could take. i wish i could tell you and not freak you out. i wish you didnt love her, because she doesnt love you. she told me so herself. i wish i wish i wish i wish i could perfect these words in 5 mintues but i can't. i can't do it because i dont even know what i'm writing and i am sure i will regret it later but here it is and i wont stop it and the timer please be up because i am tired of having to feel this way and maybe if the timer is up i won't have to anymore