365 Days (Part 2) | ✓

315. Rock Star

315. Rock Star: Imagine you are a famous rock star. Write about the experience.

Inspired by a story idea I had several years ago that never made it past the first page.

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Richard

I wait for her. That's what I do. I wait for her to come home, I wait for her to get ready, I wait for when it's my turn to be on the receiving end of her smile. This is how it's always been, though. She's always been a flame, so bright and beautiful you can't take your eyes off of her. But she's also wild, fiery, destructive, and dangerous. You get too close and she'll burn you. Would you like to see my scars? I'm covered in them.

I never thought this was what it would be like to love her, not that I had any choice in the matter. Cara was always the one I would sell my soul to. She had it before she even asked for it, somewhere between when she used to paint her sneakers and when we ran through the golf course in nothing but our bathing suits. She's that person, that girl, that comes along like a thunderstorm and a sunset all at once, sweet and salty and tasting like tears mixed with sugar. She's an addiction. She's a consuming thing that lights the place up and you're so busy being in awe that you don't notice she's burned it down.

I don't know if Cara every realized what she was doing to me, or if I was something just there. I know her though, and know that under her beauty and her charm and her grace there's a broken person craving validation. I know her better than she knows herself, and that's why it makes it hard for me to leave. That's why I waited ten years to leave, but I can't wait forever, especially when it won't even be noticed.

Cara

It’s like a dream in that you hardly ever believe it's happening, but it's too hard and fast and strong to be a dream. You feel everything so intensely; the lights so bright they warm your skin, the makeup artists stroking your cheek with products, the moments when you're in front of that camera and it's time to prove yourself. Life was a whirlwind, and yet in the quiet moments I hated it. I wanted that chaos. Needed it.

It’s no fairytale. It’s work and sacrifices and staying up until three in the morning wondering if you can get out of it, but not really wanting to. There's always someone younger and prettier waiting in the wings, eager to replace you. So you have to be relevant. You have to wear the best clothes, have the best parts, and live the best life -- or what the cameras perceive as the best life. There's no rest for us.

Richard is lucky. He can stay in the background, he doesn't need this, he's always been there. Richard had always been there.

Sometimes, though, I wonder if he's affected my career. If maybe I would have won that award if I had been able to work last year instead of taking time off to focus on my marriage. If maybe the pretty young starlet already having a husband determined how people thought of me.

But this is not about Richard. It’s been about me, and occasionally... occasionally I fear that Richard minds.