365 Days (Part 2) | ✓

297. Common Phobias

297. Phobia: Research some common phobias, choose one, and write about it.

I shouldn't laugh at this list of phobias, but this one is pretty ironic...

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – The fear of long words

What is this? Why do I feel like this? Shaking inside. Stomach muscles clenching. I can't go much longer. The spelling bee is almost at the end. I'm sweating. Drip drip drip. Mom and Dad smile at me. The lights burn my skin. Not really, but they warm it up. I sit on my hands. Even though I am hot, they are cold. They shake. I want to repress their movement.

My heart thuds. It smacks against my ribs. I'm trying to focus. Trying to, but the light is to bright from the side. It blocks the lady who says the words from my view. She is a voice without a body, speaking words.

I try not to remember. I try. I try. I try. But I do anyway. I never forget.

The worst moment of my life. Spelling bee two years ago. The thought brings me shame. I try to to forget, but I remember. I remember the old confidence I had. I remember the thumbs up Mom gave me from her place in the crowd. I remember licking my lips, clearing my throat, before beginning to spell.

Then blank. Blank as a white page. Blank as a clean slate. Blank as the look in my dad's eyes afterwards, when he realized I failed.

Blank blank blank blank --

Applause, like thunder. Hands slap each other. I blink. The crowd is clapping for one of my classmates, who spelled her word correctly.

Now it's my turn.

They say fear is good only when you use it. I don't use fear as much as fear uses me. It stops my heart. It makes me legs shake as I stand. I can't feel myself when I walk to the microphone.

I stare into the crowds. Words. Words that have been my life and words that have been my ruin.

The light is dimmer here. I can see the lady behind the voice. She's neat and professional, but she nods to me. "And your word is..."