They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 22

TW: mentions of death and panic attacks

Tommy woke up, still somehow exhausted, even after a full nights sleep. His nightmares of course hadn't helped, but he had slept more then he often did. That should've given him some energy at least.

He groaned as he pulled himself out of bed, finding his way to the shower, and then moving around to get ready for the day. Mondays weren't the worst in Tommy's opinion. Yeah, they sucked, but still, each day in the week he got more and more tired. If he was starting Monday out like this, Friday would be hell.

He moved, exhaustion filling his aching body, although the aching at least was lessened overnight. He headed down stairs, doing the work set out for him, before slowly heading to school.

Finding his class, he quickly ran into Ranboo, who instantly looked worried.

"Hey Tommy, you ok? Eret said they saw you on Friday on their way to pick me up and you seemed stressed. Like you were running really late. He said you had like bags of food that you were carrying from the shops or something? She just... she wanted me to check up on you."

"I was fine. Just running late as she said," Tommy said, or rather, tried to say. He hadn't used his voice at all that weekend and it was raw like it often was when he didn't speak. It came out cracked and dry and painful.

"Are you sick?" Ranboo questioned, "Do you need to go home?"

Tommy shook his head. He was fine. He was fine. He was fine.

The teacher, Ms. Alyssa, arrived a few minutes later, with Ranboo still staring at him in confusion and worry, his head tilted ever so slightly. Tommy ignores him, following the teacher inside and finding his way to his desk.

He remained silent through the class, even as Ranboo asked him how his weekend was, (he shrugged in response). Tommy was tired. He didn't know what he wanted or where he was going he was just sore and tired and he wanted his brother back. He missed Tubbo like hell and he couldn't stop thinking of him and he couldn't focus on the stupid lesson because all he could see in his minds eye was Tubbo's dead body, lying in that fucking bathroom.

"Tommy?" Ranboo asked softly and Tommy looked over, confused as to why he had been dragged out of his thoughts.

"Tommy, what's wrong?" And with those words Tommy finally felt the sting of tears that had slipped through.

He shook his head at Ranboo, looking back to the teacher and swiping the tears away in on quick, practised motion. Tommy had messed up. Again. As always. He had cried and he wasn't allowed to do that. He forced himself to look forward, not sparing a glance to Ranboo at his side. He tried to focus on the lesson, tried to block out the image that wouldn't leave him. He didn't know why it was so bad today. He didn't know why Tubbo was all he could think about. He just shoved his pain down, deep, deep, down, doing his best to stifle it and hide it away from the world.

The teacher asked them to write something in their notes, which Tommy had already been doing before she even asked. One of the kids, who was getting his notebook out for the first time this lesson, put his hand up.

"Yes?" The teacher asked, looking at him.

"What's the date?" The kid checked. Oh, he wanted to know what it was to put it on the top of his notebook. Tommy had already done that.

"October 16," The teacher replied and Tommy held back the startled hiss. That was why. That was fucking why he couldn't control his fucking brain. He needed to call Puffy. He was too far away. Too far away. He needed- he- fuck.

"Tommy?" Ranboo asked, "Tommy what's going on? Can you talk to me?"

Tommy barely heard the words over his own panic, trying to work out how to do this. He needed to get out, but it would take more then half an hour to get there and back, it couldn't be at lunch or recess. Dream might come looking for him before he slept. He needed to go after dinner. He could do it then. He could. He could do it. He couldn't get Puffy. He needed her though. How was he supposed to get all the way there without her?

"What can I do for you Tommy? Please? Let me help you," Ranboo begged, and Tommy hesitated. If he didn't get help, he might not make it in time- but he couldn't ask- but he needed it- but he couldn't- but- but- but- what was he supposed to do!?

"Tonight, can you help me get somewhere? I need someone to drive me," Tommy said, his voice barely above a whisper. He was terrified. He knew not to ask for things. He knew it was bad, but he needed this. He fucking needed this.

"What?"

"Please, I'll do anything. I'll do anything you want just please- please," Tommy begged. This new place was too far. He had never been this far before. He had always made it. He couldn't fail. He needed this. He fucking needed this and he needed help. He couldn't walk the hour long drive to get back. He needed this and he couldn't call Puffy.

"Yeah, I can do that, Techno just got his license. I'll ask him," Ranboo offered, and Tommy shrunk deeper into his seat, whispering his thanks again and again. He needed this, even if it could kill him. He needed this. He could get through this and maybe they wouldn't hurt him for asking for something. He hated to ask. Hated it so, so much, but he needed this, and Puffy wasn't here to ask. He should've asked before being dropped off. Should've been more ready, but he hadn't. He hadn't and now he had to risk asking someone.

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Ranboo POV:

Ranboo did his best to calm Tommy, but nothing he said helped. Tommy was just there, seemingly terrified and exhausted and sad, so fucking sad and Ranboo didn't know why. He didn't know what was going on and he didn't know why the boy, who was always so scared of everything, seemed even more terrified. He didn't know what had happened, only that Tommy was desperate. He needed someone to drive him somewhere, which meant his parents probably wouldn't. That was odd in itself, but even more so was Tommy's urgency, his desperation, it was like his life was on the line and Ranboo didn't know why. He just hoped that he could help. He was worried about Tommy. More then that. He didn't know a word that described what it was. Ranboo just wanted to fix what was going on, but Tommy wouldn't let him close enough to even try. Maybe this would help. Maybe this drive would help him trust. Maybe.

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Tommy POV:

Tommy was ready to run, he always was, but now more then ever. He was ready to run and run and never turn back. He needed this, needed help but he had fucking asked. What was wrong with him? The one thing he knew was to never ever ask for things. He fucking knew that. He knew he wasn't supposed to. He wasn't even supposed to talk and he had fucking begged! He hated it because he couldn't take it back. Not when Ranboo had agreed. No matter how dangerous this fucking was he couldn't risk missing tonight. Not tonight. Tonight was a important and he needed it. He needed it more then anything.

So, Tommy didn't run. He didn't run. He just followed Ranboo when the other boy got up. He followed Ranboo to the next class and to his spot. He sat by Ranboo as the boy started a debate about what the difference was between Mr. Bad calling them "muffinheads" and "dickheads" this of course ended with the entire class getting involved, threatening to hold a protest and ban the word muffin. Tommy barely paid attention as Ranboo, under questioning of Mr. Bad, admitted the question was a request from Mr. NotFound, and quickly got himself out of trouble.

Tommy was out of it. He knew he was and he knew he wasn't going to catch most of what he was supposed to learn today. Not when his mind was so filled with panicked thoughts of whatever punishment Ranboo might be planning for him for asking for something. Not when his mind was so filled with that and also the necessity of tonight, and also the pain, and also Tubbo.

Tommy just wrote down whatever the teacher said and maybe he would be able to make sense of it later. That was his only plan. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do, all he did was silently stay by Ranboo's side.

Words: 1500

A/N: ooh a bit of Ranboo POV, well would you look at that, something new 👀 XD