They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 179

Tommy POV:

Tommy woke up to some sort of music playing downstairs. Music full of bells and jingling and upbeat instrumentals accompanied by slightly odd lyrics. He recognised the one he had first woken up to, but the second and third he hadn't. Based on his understanding of what was going on though, these were Christmas songs.

Ok. Christmas. Tommy could do this. It didn't matter that it was something he'd never really experienced. He just had to mimic how everyone else was acting. If he did a good enough job maybe they wouldn't hate him. It was fine. He could do this. He'd done it before, every time there was a new house, new rules, new standards he was yet to figure out. What difference would one Christmas be?

He moved around effortfully, picking out long sleeves clothes in some sort of natural habitual way. Long sleeves hid everything better. He may as well do his best to be safe when- IF. If something went bad. If. He had told Puffy he would try to be more aware of the good possibilities as well. Maybe everything would go awfully, or maybe he'd be fine.

As he was leaving his room he heard a knocking on the front door. Right. The whole group was coming. Milo instantly was nudging Tommy's hand, as though reminding him to focus on the dog and nothing else.

There was taking downstairs that Tommy couldn't make out. Still, he took the time to rest, to try to calm himself, hands ruffling Milo's fur, nerves building. He couldn't do this. He had to, but he couldn't. How was he supposed to just pretend he knew how he was expected to act? He didn't know. He didn't understand these people. It was too confusing.

With a deep breath, Tommy headed downstairs. He relied on Milo's presence to centre him, almost following the dog, despite technically being the one directing where they went. His hand remained gently on the dog's back, taking comfort in him. It was loud by the time he got downstairs, and it took a moment for anyone to notice him. Ranboo was the first.

"TOMMY! MERRY LATE-CHRISTMAS!" He yelled, startling Tommy. It took all of his willpower to keep his hands from covering his ears. Don't cover his ears. That was a common rule.

"Hi," Tommy replied uncertainly, not sure if he was supposed to return the greeting or ignore it or what.

"I have a present for you!"

"Ran, kid, we are doing presents later remember?" Eret chuckled, but she was looking at Tommy, not Ranboo. Instantly Tommy schooled his expression, realising his stress and confusion had begun to show.

"Yeahhh," Ranboo agreed, almost grouchily, but he seemed to be smiling. Was he upset? It was so confusing. He sounded annoyed, but he looked happy. Which was real? Tommy's instincts wanted to say to trust the tone of voice over the face, but Eret seemed pretty happy too. This was so wierd.

"Who are we missing?" Techno asked, his voice coming from behind Tommy, who spun, instantly aware of Techno's presence. He scanned the older boy's posture, positioning and expression, relaxing- although only slightly- when he gaged that Techno didn't seem to be planning to fight. The only issue with that theory was that he was pretty sure Techno was smart enough to make a sneak attack. He might seem pleasant enough, but what if that changed?

"Fundy said he's on his way, and Foolish went to check on Finley who's been staying at one of the swim team's houses since his parents refused to take her in," Sally replied, "He should be back soon, not sure if he's bringing Finley or not."

Tommy hesitated, stopping to think on the statement. He cared about Finley, she was so young but she had been through so much and yet she was so kind despite it all. He would trust her more than the other's here, but he would also understand if she didn't want to come. Or if she didn't trust Tommy. It would hurt, but it would be reasonable. She hadn't seemed to mind much back in the hospital, but she had also had more time to think on it since then.

"How about, until they get here, we chill, those who are hungry can get breakfast, and then we will play Keep or Steal when they arrive," Phil suggested, bringing Tommy's attention back to reality and away from his thoughts. Tommy didn't respond. He didn't know how to. He didn't even know what Phil was saying.

Breakfast. He could do that. Since he had been staying here, they had been forcing him to eat each meal. They would expect him to eat breakfast.

"Tommy, can I talk to you for a moment?" Techno asked, his voice soft, but it still startled Tommy enough to cause him to spin swiftly to face the other boy. Awkwardly, knowing all eyes had turned to him at his sudden movement, he nodded and followed Techno to the stairs. He sat on the stairs next to Techno upon encouragement. He had no plans to ignore what Techno asked. That was stupid dangerous.

"Tommy, you have issues with food, don't you?" Techno asked, his voice somehow softer then Tommy expected. Instantly though, Tommy was on high alert. Food was a dangerous topic. Yes, he had issues with food, always had, but he also did his best to eat things anyway. The worst option would be getting no food. He might not mind that, but he had promised Tubbo he would at least try to eat something each day.

"N-no," Tommy replied, wincing at the stutter the lie caused.

"It's ok kid. When I first got here I could never get enough food, but I also had a pretty reliable source of food with the Masked Ones. I know not every place is like that."

"Food is fine," Tommy mumbled, not sure what he was supposed to do, but he needed to still have access to food.

"I'm not threatening to take away your food if that's what you are worried about Tommy," Techno explained, and Tommy could swear he had read his mind. What the hell. How had he known that?

"I noticed you get sick after eating a lot of food, and I know we have encouraged you to eat food at every meal, but Niki has made Christmas foods, and if you would like to try more of those, you can make that choice. It's up to you of course, but I'm explaining that anything you perceive as a rule around food is simply an encouragement. Does that make sense?"

"Yes?" Tommy lied, but it was pretty clear Techno noticed his uncertainty.

"How do I explain this," Techno murmured to himself, before returning to meet Tommy's eyes, "Do you know why we would like you to eat at each meal time?"

Tommy shook his head. It made no sense. Every other house wouldn't give him more than one full meal, maybe two if he was lucky, and many didn't give him that much. He was used to eating scraps and leftovers. That was just what kids like him got. It was fine.

"We want you to be healthy kid, and part of that is making sure you get enough food in you each day. It's pretty clear you've been malnourished for a long time, and so we need to work on that. However, that doesn't mean you should force yourself to eat until you throw up. It's about getting a safe and healthy amount in you."

Words: 1250

A/N: sorry it took so long to update! I've been dealing with a bit of an unhelpful hyperfixation lately LOL