They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 34

TW: mentions of su!cide, injuries, and medication, as well as trained (bad) ideology about therapy/mental health

"I'm not suicidal. I don't need a therapist."

"Tommy- that-" Techno started, stopped, tried again, before looking at Tommy, genuine worry filling his eyes before he tried again, "Tommy, you don't need to be suicidal to see a therapist. I see one, and I do not, and have never, had any intentions of dying. Therapist aren't there just to keep people alive, they're there to help people be happier. To help people deal with stuff that's stuck with them. To help people feel better about life."

"I don't- I don't need a therapist Techno. My brother did, but I don't. I'm not going to die. I know what I need to survive, and talking to a stranger about shit isn't what I need to survive," Tommy insisted, shoving the form to Techno more. He hadn't meant to swear, he knew how some people hated it, but Techno didn't make any indication he didn't like it. That at least is good.

"Tommy, I started going to therapy when I got out of the situation that did this to me," Techno said, motioning to his eye, or more specifically the scar crossing it that had damaged it so badly. He took a breath and continued, "Therapy helped me to understand not everyone is the sort of person who does this to others. It helped me learn to trust, and how to decipher the difference between not trusting someone because someone else hurt me, and not trusting someone because they are likely to hurt me. Therapy did a lot of good for me and I just think you should give it a go."

"I don't think it's for me," Tommy said, his voice strained, his muscles tense, he was ready to run at any second, all he needed was Techno to drop his guard and give him time to escape.

"Why do you have those cuts on your arms Tommy? What caused them?" Techno asked, his voice was stern, but not harsh.

"Not what you think," Tommy hissed, backing away. He was not what Techno thought. He was not broken, not like that.

"Then tell me," Techno said, his tone softening as he stepped forward, reaching out a hand.

"I- I can't."

Techno sighed, and pressed the form into Tommy's hands once more.

"Alright, just please at least try this. I'll come with you if you want, or you can go alone, or someone else from the group can go with you, I don't mind as long as you promise to give it a go."

"Fine," Tommy agreed, not because he was ok with it, nor because he wanted to do this, but because he knew Techno wouldn't let him not, "I'll go to therapy. I'll go alone."

Techno nodded, passing him a pen and slowly Tommy filled out the form. He chose to have therapy at lunch, it was a free time slot and meant he wouldn't miss any class. Plus, he'd get it over with quickly, not only was it a shorter session, but it also started in less then an hour. He only had to go to one session. That was it. Then he'd be done.

"Thank you," Techno said quietly, and Tommy nodded silently, passing him the form and pen.

"Kristin wants to check your stitches now, ok?" Techno asked and Tommy nodded, letting Techno lead him into the back room. There was no use fighting Techno. It would be easier to just appease the man as best he could.

Kristin joined them, checking the cuts and re-bandaging the wound. She made sure Tommy had had painkillers and asked if there was anything she didn't know about already. Tommy didn't mention the rib, simply staring forward, waiting for this to be over and his hoodie to be on again. Not only did he miss the cover of the hoodie, this room was also fucking cold.

Kristin approved him to leave after she was satisfied he hadn't broken any of the stitches or reopened any cuts. She did request that he came back after school for painkillers, which Tommy wouldn't do because that would make him late home, but he didn't mention that.

Carefully, Tommy stood up, following Techno out of the room. Techno however didn't lead him out the door they had originally walked through, instead stopping just outside the room they had just been in. Techno pointed down the small corridor that lead further back.

"HBomb, that's the therapist here, his room is down there, 2nd on the left, the door with the pictures of his dogs stuck on it. At lunch you can just let yourself in, or get Kristin to show you in, either works. Ranboo would be happy to help as well, he knows where it is as well, so if you forget, feel free to ask him after class," Techno explained. Tommy nodded, memorising what Techno had said as well as the door he had pointed out. Once he knew he wouldn't get lost, he turned to head back to class, with Techno following behind him.

Techno walked him to class, leaving to go to his own a few steps away from the door. Tommy took a deep breath and walked inside.

"Sorry I'm late," Tommy said quickly as he got inside, before moving to his seat.

"All good Tommy," The teacher smiled before returning to her lesson.

"Where were you?" Ranboo whispered to Tommy as he sat down.

"With Techno," Tommy replied, before realising that was too little information, "He took me to the nurses office."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"That's enough talking for now you two," The teacher called, more as a reminder than a threat, but Tommy still sunk back into his seat, relief filling him when the teacher moved back to her lesson. Tommy wouldn't admit it out loud, but he's happy to admit it to himself, he's fucking scared. All the time. He's scared of the teachers, the students, the strangers, the parents, everything and everyone. Always.

Words: 1000

A/N: when ff!Tommy's thought process includes things like "He was not broken, not like that," when arguing against the idea of doing SH for example, it is pointing out what ff!Tommy has been trained to believe. He was taught that any sign weakness was a sign of brokenness, he had an upbringing that was entirely against mental health (clearly) and that is why he thinks things like this. I am NOT implying that people who do SH are broken. That is not true. It is simply ff!Tommy's thought process because of his childhood. Please remember, you are not broken. You are amazing people and you deserve the world. I love you all /p, stay safe.

Side note, ff!Tommy does mean "fanfic Tommy" right? Like c!tommy is canon Tommy and cc!tommy is the content creator? Please someone tell me if I'm wrong or if there's something better to use, thanks <3
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EDIT: FUCK I SPELT 'CHAPTER' WRONG WHEN I PUBLISHED IT THATS PROBABLY THE NOTIFICATION U GUYS GOT AGH