They Rely On Hope. What Do I Rely On? - Tommyinnit Adoption AU

Chapter 47

TW: discussion of SH, injuries, medical care and abuse

That chance was quickly proven to not be the case. Kristin reached over, gently removing the bandages, and revealing the four new cuts,. They weren't quite as deep as some of the ones Dream had done, but still clearly there, and still deep.

"Tommy," Kristin sighed, moving over to collect the disinfectant to clean the new ones, "Can you tell me why?"

Tommy hesitated, trying to work out what the best answer was. He could say it wasn't him, but that would be a lie and Kristin would know it. He could say he had made a mistake and needed the punishment, which was kind of the reason but it didn't feel right. After a few moments of thought, he settled on a different option.

"I didn't want to," Tommy murmured quietly, his head down, eyes closed, not wanting to see his own battered, broken body, "I don't want to, I don't want any of this, I just don't have a choice. I need to. It's be worse if I didn't, I- I can't."

Tommy's voice broke at the last words and all to quickly he was crying, he hadn't wanted to, he couldn't cry, he couldn't. Kristin would see! Kristin would see and she'd hurt him and- and her arms wrapped around him, gently holding him in a hug, carefully avoiding contact with the cuts covering Tommy's arms.

"It's ok, it's going to be ok Tommy, we'll work through this, we'll get you through this," Kristin promised, her arms holding him so gently, carefully, not hurting, and loose enough that Tommy could escape. It wasn't the first time since he'd gotten here someone had held him so carefully, but before this place, he hadn't had that since Tubbo. Oh... They- Did they- care? No. That didn't make sense. Why would they? Why would they care? No. It couldn't be that. That doesn't make sense. It doesn't. Maybe it didn't have to make sense... maybe- maybe he could trust them? He couldn't though. He couldn't. They could hurt him. People hurt him. It's what people did- but- but he didn't want that to be true... This was too hard. Too fucking hard.

Tommy pulled himself together, gently pulling from the hug, which Kristin let go as soon as he pulled away. He quickly wiped his eyes, doing everything he could to conceal the turmoil of thoughts and- and hope? No. No. No. No. Not hope. He couldn't do that. He couldn't. He- it wasn't worth it. He owed it to Tubbo not to. He couldn't lose hope which means he wasn't allowed to have it to begin with. No. He wouldn't let himself rely on hope. That wasn't something he could do. Not with how it hurt Tubbo. Never again.

Tommy silently held his arms out, letting Kristin finish bandaging them again. Then he sat still as she checked his injuries. Luckily the bruising coating him still hid the broken rib. When she was done he pulled his shirt and hoodie back on quickly, standing up to leave, knowing class would be soon thanks to the clock on the wall.

"Tommy," Kristin called before he reached the door. Tommy stopped, waiting to hear what she was going to say, "I know that you can't tell me stuff because I have to tell people and you clearly know that, but you can trust your friends. They want to help you. I've only ever seen one person as hurt as you and they looked after him. I can't- I can't say who was hurt, but I want you to know you can trust them. You really can Tommy, and I'm begging you to tell someone. Anyone. Please."

Tommy nodded, not quite planning to do so. He wanted to believe her. He wanted to know he could trust them, but it was too much. Too dangerous. Too risky. Too hard. So, he left. He walked away, not ready to face what Kristin had asked him to do. He walked out of the room and came face to face with the people she had just told him to trust- or, well Wilbur and Ranboo. Techno was waiting by the door with plenty of distance between them again.

Could Tommy do what Kristin had asked? Could he trust them? He wanted to so, so much. He wanted to have someone he could trust. He really did. He had been wanting it since he had lost Tubbo but... but he couldn't trust them. He just couldn't.

"Are you ok, Tommy?" Ranboo asked when no one spoke for a second.

"Yeah, Kristin cleared me, I'm good to go," Tommy replied, looking down.

"Did she know what happened?" Wilbur asked.

"Probably just exhaustion. Haven't been sleeping well. New place and all," Tommy said, deciding on the easiest lie.

"Do you want to go get some food? We've still got five minutes and Niki said she'd save you a fruit mince pie. They are delicious," Wilbur smiled. Tommy hesitated, then nodded. Food would probably help him get through the day after all.

Wilbur grinned and turned to leave. Techno was already outside he door by the time they had made it over there, and Ranboo had slipped behind Tommy. Techno walked about 5 meters already of them, giving Tommy space, but as he walked, he constantly was looking over his shoulder, checking that Tommy was ok. It didn't feel like Techno was weary of Tommy, rather that Techno was worried for Tommy. Tommy didn't understand, but he did appreciate the slight head start he had if he needed to run.

The four of them joined the other group outside, and instantly Niki handed him and Ranboo a pie each. She seemed to be silently asking if they were ok, but Tommy wasn't ready to say anything. He sat down next to Ranboo, and Wilbur quickly moved to his side, while Techno sat on the opposite side of the group to them, once more giving Tommy space. It was weird.

Words: 1000

A/N: 965 words into this chapter exactly, someone comes up to me irl and I had to do stuff, and could only finish it and post it 5 hours later ;-;