Twilight: AnneMarie Charlotte Swan

Waking up

The first thing I felt was great pain, soreness all over my body. My eyelids feel weighted shut, light glowing through them in a reddish-orange.  Even before I opened my eyes I knew I wasn't home. It didn't smell like my home or any place I know in Forks. Perhaps I was in a hospital since there is a strong smell of rubbing alcohol, sharp and distinct. When I decide to open my eyes, my vision betrayed me, everything is sleep-blurry. All I could see are moving shapes of light and dark, trying to rub away the weird view with the fingers of my right hand but it failed to obey my command. I did the same with the left, but it wouldn't work. I was laying down, it appears to be a hospital bed. Well, this whole room looks like a hospital room. The room was bright, light coming from the window reflecting off the white walls, making it harder for me to keep my eyes open. Turning my neck to see what's making that awful loud beeping, however, when I moved my muscles were stiff and sore. It feels like I had slept for years. 

Suddenly something more like someone caught my attention. I saw a lady in sweatpants and a sweater sitting in a chair by a window, sleeping. It seems like she hasn't slept so well in a long time, I could see the dark circles underneath her eyes. Her hair was messy and she didn't look comfortable. Then the front door opens and comes in a young female nurse with a clipboard. When she made eye contact with me her eyes widen in surprise, she dropped the clipboard and ran out screaming, 'she's awake'. Suddenly shuffles of footsteps could be heard from behind the door and the front door opens wide awake. The slam of the door woke up the lady in the chair, she looks at the nurses and doctors confused until she turns her head towards me. Her eyes wide, tears gather up, getting up she comes towards me and pulls me into a hug. She started to cry and her body began to shake.

"OH MY GOD!!!! You're awake, my baby is awake" she said crying. Feeling a little awkward I pushed her away and she frowns.

"Baby, what's wrong?" she asked. I stared at her for a few seconds before turning to the doctors and nurse, who were all gathered in the back watching us. 

"Can I see a mirror?" I asked. Some looked confused to my request, some looked around, and one left out the door. Minutes later she came back with a black mirror and slowly made her way towards me. The crying lady moved aside and watched me, as I got the mirror. I stared at the back of it for several seconds before taking a deep breath, flipping the mirror so I can see myself. Before turning the mirror I knew, I just knew I wasn't in Forks. My apple green eyes were back to its original boring brown color. Just by seeing my eyes I knew what this meant.

"Jenny, sweetheart, talk to me... please," the lady said. Turning to her I knew who she was, I knew why she was calling me those sweet names, but I didn't know I was here in the first place. 

"Mother, what happened?" I asked and she looks relieved that I remembered her. 

"Liver disease, it caused the ammonia in your body to raise high and it put you in a coma. But we were lucky enough to be able to save you" one of the doctors said stepping up. 

"How long was I out?" I asked, they either looked away or some looked to my mother, who was silently crying.

"Three years," my mother said. Three years?  Almost the same amount of time I spend in Forks. So all this time, everything was fake? I wasn't really there? I was in a deep sleep, dreaming that everything happened? So none of it was real? Me being Bella's twin? Meeting the Cullens? Falling in love with Jasper? Was that all pretend? Did none of that actually happen? 

"No wonder I look old," I said trying to break the awful atmosphere in the room. The nurse who brought me the mirror laughed a little while the others just smile. 

The first doctor went on to explain to me what happened, but I wasn't paying attention. I mean who cares if I was in a coma for three damn years? I died in the world where I loved so much. I left people behind, I felt without a word, I left them all alone. Was Dean right all along? I didn't matter? Will everything go back to how it was without me being there? Stupid question since that world was made up, they're not real. None of it was real, I was in a coma dreaming everything actually happened. 

I spend another week at the hospital. Every day that passed people would come, people I never even knew. They would come and talk to me, bless the Lord for saving me, for giving another chance at life. Honestly, I wanted to beat them with a baseball bat. How could they say that? Did they not know that I didn't want to be here? I wanted to be back in Forks, with my family, with Bella, with the Cullens, with Jasper, for god sake I wanted to be back with Leah and the others. Why did I have to leave? Was it all a dream? Couldn't I just stay in that dream... forever? Somehow this actually feels more like a punishment than anything else. 

Coming back to the house, it felt empty and cold just had I remember it to be. As expect my father was in another business meet halfway across the world. He only came to visit me once out of the whole time I was there. His excuse was 'who's going to make the money if both of us stay with you?' Charlie would never do that, he would rather stay with us than go to work. He may not know how to show his feeling but he's a better father than my own. I wasn't mad but I was surprised he actually came one time, well I was sleeping so in a way it doesn't count. 

My room was the same how I left it last time. The bed was still messy, not even touched. Same boring dark gray walls, same dark curtains, same white pillows, same decorations, same damn bedroom. I was once so proud of this room, my mother had a weekend to herself and we redid my whole room. I was finally happy that we had some time together but the next day she left for a meeting, leaving me home alone. I wasn't mad yet I was happy she had some time with me. But now looking at this room for some odd reason it makes me mad being here. Sitting on my bed I couldn't help but feel angry towards this room. Everywhere I look all I want to do is throw stuff at the walls. I want to break everything and anything. I want to tear everything down I want to break down and cry but I cannot do it. How am I going to cry for something that never happened? Why am I going to cry for something that won't come back to me? 

I have lost everything, I am alone, I am lost and I am broken. All that is left for me is to continue this life. To continue to move forward. Even if I do not want to, I owe it to him. He would have wanted me to live with or without him. But the honest truth, I do not know if I am strong enough to do it. Not without him, I don't care if he wasn't real. It was real to me and it'll always be real. So do I move forward or end it short? Can I do this without him, with knowing that all I went through was nothing but a figure of my imagination? Am I being reasonable or am I being pathetic?