Finding Elliott [Harry Styles] Completed

Thirtyeight.

When I was younger there were only a few things I ever wanted in my life. 

I wanted to be happy. 

I wanted to find my mother.

I wanted to be loved. 

Those three things seemed simple enough. It wasn't a given right to be happy but if you aren't happy then seriously there is also no point in living. Recently I had felt less and less happy, in fact, I found myself feeling more and more in a pit of despair. 

When it came to my mother, it wasn't something I had ever pursued heavily therefore not finding here by now was my own fault. With all the love that my father had shown me in my first twenty years, I had learnt to live without her. 

Being loved. Even the poorest children deserve love, love is what makes the world go around. My father had been strict with me as a child but I had always felt his love. Everything he had ever done was to protect Thomas and me, now he was protecting her. Now his love for me had shifted to her. 

I guess if you have learnt to live without someone for three years things change. He had thought for the last three years that I was dead when I returned it must have been hard for him to see me, to acknowledge that I was alive after all. 

The three years had passed and I had thought about nothing but returning during that time. I had built everything up to be perfect instead it was a mess. I had returned to a life that was no longer mine and rightly so. 

After my father left my bedroom I showered before dressing into clothes I had grown accustomed to, the black skinny jeans, the white tee shirt, the black leather jacket and my trusty combat boots. Looking in the mirror I brushed my towel dried hair before I put on a pair of black sunglasses and put my hood it over my hair. 

I knew I could never pretend that everything was okay, I could never stay here and watch her live my life. Taking the gun and knife from my drawer I put them into the jacket pockets before I looked around my bedroom. This might have been the place I knew up, all the items in here might have been something I once used but they were just material items, I didn't need anything. 

Leaving my bedroom I closed the door all the way before I looked at the closed door. It shouldn't have been this hard but I honestly felt like I was ripping myself away out of spite. 

As I walked away from the bedroom I headed down the hall, as I walked passed the door of Jessica's room I heard her voice, "Leaving so soon?" 

I stopped in my tracks as I took a deep breath, I turned around and took the few steps back to the bedroom door. Leaning against the door frame I removed my sunglasses and stared at her as I held them in my right hand. "Unfortunately I think it's best I move on, pretending isn't my thing."

She raised her eyebrows at me before she smirked and laughed as she sat up properly in the large bed she was laying in. "Come on now Ell," she winked at me. "It's all a bit of fun."

"Oh, yeah," I rolled my eyes. "This is the most fun I've had in ages." I tilted my head to the side as I looked at her, she was smirking as she looked at me, her brown hair a perfect mess and the sheet on her bed just pulled up enough to cover her naked top half. "My favourite part of it all was being shot."

She bit her lip gleefully, "That was my favourite part too, well one of them." She licked her top lip slowly, "The best part was knowing that no matter what you do, Harry and your father will always choose me."

Nodding my head at her I agreed, "Well," I managed one of those stupid fake smiles. "You enjoy all that attention on you whilst it lasts." Returning my sunglasses to my face I looked back up at her. "It won't last." I didn't give her a chance to respond before I walked away. 

Heading down the stairs I took deep breaths, my whole body shaking as I realised what I had done. I had stood up to her, I had let her get away with it and I hadn't used physical violence. 

At the bottom of the stairs, there was a lot of people milling around, I could see my father standing next to Harry and Louis, they were engaged in a conversation as some of the other lads stood around waiting for their instructions. I looked over at my father but he was too engrossed in the chat. Letting out a sigh I walked towards the door, I would have liked to say goodbye, I would have liked for him to know I was going but I didn't want to interrupt him, after all, I wasn't the same girl anymore. 

Pulling the door open a large gust of wind travelled through the room, silencing everyone almost immediately as I felt all eyes on my back. I closed my eyes as I stood with my back to everyone before I opened them and headed out the door, letting the door slam behind me. 

Walking over the gravel I put my hands into my pockets before I heard the door open. I continued to walk until I heard my name, "Elliott."

I stopped but didn't turn around, I couldn't face him, I couldn't look at him. 

"So that's it, you're just going to leave?"

Biting my lip I held back the tears that threatened to show themselves as I listened. 

"Elliott Cole, she's not making any impact now she's returned." His voice was so angry, so full of emotion, so raw as he spoke to me. 

Now there were no tears as I listened to what people thought about me, people didn't know the truth but hearing it was hard. I knew the truth, I knew what I had done, I didn't need to prove to anyone, I didn't need to prove anything.

Walking over on the gravel down the long driveway I tried to leave this situation. I knew that if I looked at him none of his words would matter.

I heard his footsteps behind me as he continued to talk. "I thought you were something special but you have just proved to me that you are worthless, you are worth nothing."

There was no point in me arguing with him, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It stung hearing these things, I didn't know if he believed them or if he was just angry. 

"No matter how much you try, you'll always be the stuck up little bitch you have always been. You'll always think you are better than everyone else, you'll always think you deserve more than you have."

Gritting my teeth and clenching my fists I kept walking, I wasn't weak, I wasn't that person any more. I could give in, I couldn't just argue for te sake of it, walk away, Ell.

"I know everything that you are scared of, I know what means you cry." He snapped trying to get a reaction out of me. 

My breathing was becoming more and more rapid as he followed me, I hated that feeling. 

"Stop walking away and face me!" 

Then I stopped walking, I heard his footsteps stop too before I turned around and looked at him, removing my sunglasses and looking at him. "Have you quite finished?" I asked him angrily as I looked into those haunting green eyes. 

I hated the way he made me feel, he made me feel like I was nothing but just looking at him I knew I had already forgiven him. I didn't know if he knew it but he had a hold on me and there was nothing I could do to change it.

He was a few steps from me as his eyes bored into my soul, "No." He took the few steps to me where he didn't even wait, he didn't even give me a second to react before his right hand touched my cheek and his lips touched mine. 

For a second I just looked at him kissing me before I closed my eyes and let him. All our pent up anger came out in the kiss as I gripped his leather jacket and pulled him closer to me, his left hand holding the small of my back as our kissing became frantic and desperate. His touch gave me goosebumps, every part of my body that he touched felt like it was on fire and I didn't ever want it to end. I knew this was love, the feeling in my body, the heat in the pit of my stomach, the shaking of my hands and the rush I felt whenever I looked at him. 

I needed him so much right now, everything about this felt right.