Finding Elliott [Harry Styles] Completed

Fiftyeight.

That night was the first night I didn't dream for a long time. My head was silent, even when I woke up it continued to be silent. There was no sound in the house, no sound outside, nothing. Laying in my bed, I stared up at the ceiling. I knew the moment I attempted to sit up I would need to go to the toilet and today would be the first day I would have to attempt to get to the bathroom alone. 

A few moments passed before I decided I might have to move at some point, my thoughts were interrupted by the door handle moving. Closing my eyes I wigged out of having to speak to anyone by pretending to be asleep. The door opened, I heard the squeaking of the door as it was pushed open. I kept my eyes closed and kept my breathing steady as I listened.

"Yo, Ell, you awake?" It was my stupid ass brother disturbing me. 

Opening my eyes I looked at him as he stood at the end of my bed, he was wearing black skinny jeans and a button-up white shirt, he had a long black coat over the top as I assumed he was heading out after seeing me. "What do you want, Thomas?" I asked him as I looked up at him from my laying position. 

He sat on the end of the bed, "Dad said you weren't allowed visitors." He looked towards the door before looking back at me, "What's going on?"

My hands fidgeted under the blanket before I brought them up and on top of the blanket so I kept them still. My eyes never left my brother's, I couldn't find the words to tell my brother that one thing we had in common was no longer there. He would always be the normal one, I would always be broke unless by some miracle my feeling in my legs came back. 

"I thought he would have told you," I looked away from him, my eyes looking at the ceiling as it would be much easier to look there than anywhere else. 

Thomas shook his head, "You're scaring me, Ell."

"I'm scaring myself," I told him in a neutral voice. "The more I think about it, the more time passes, the more I lay here, the more scared I feel." I didn't change my voice, I didn't look away from the ceiling. "The bullet hit me in the wrong place," I explained to my twin since he was there, he was the only other person who was there and felt the fear that I had felt at that moment. "There is no feeling in my legs," I glanced at Thomas, his expression changed from a neutral one to one that was full of guilt. "Don't you dare," I warned him as I used my hands to pull myself up using the headboard as leverage. "None of this is your fault."

He got to his feet and started pacing, "I should have been here. I should have protected you more from dad. If I had never left-"

"You staying back then wouldn't have changed a damn thing!" I snapped at him, he whipped his head in my direction as he stopped walking, all he did was stare at me. "I would have still been sent away from home, I would have still ended up with Liam and I would have still ended up here."

Thomas growled, "None of that would have happened. I wouldn't have let it."

"None of it was your choice to make," I reminded him of who was in charge. "Thomas," my voice was quiet as I said his name hoping to get some truth from him. "Why did you leave me behind when you left?"

His face softened before he turned away from me, he looked at the wall his back to me. "I couldn't take you with me," he said faintly. "I wanted to," he assured me as he turned back to look at me, his face was full of worry and guilt as he came to my bed and sat close to me, his hands gripped mine. "I knew that somehow dad would keep you safe," he squeezed my hand. "I never wanted you to get involved in any of this, you are too good, too innocent, too pure, Ell."

Tears brimmed my eyes as I listened to the words of how I used to be. "I'm not that person," I was annoyed with myself. I had conformed to what I thought I was meant to be, I had done those things to save myself or so I told myself but actually, I did them because I could, I did them out of revenge. "I'm just like dad."

"You could never be like him," he hugged me tightly as he brushed his fingers through my hair. "You might not see this," he looked at the lower half of my body before meeting my eyes again, "As a good thing, you might see it as a curse." He shook his head, "Take this as your opportunity to get away and have a normal life."

The tears fell from my eyes, I did not find his words kind if anything I was frustrated, angry, confused. "I can't do this alone," I told him as I held his gaze. "I'm scared, Thomas. I might never walk away, none of that is normal. I can't go away from this, away from dad. I won't have anyone to help me, no one to look after me. I'll be alone."

"Niall," he shrugged, "You have Niall."

As much as Niall was a great person I just couldn't imagine that in the end, we'd be happy. He'd spend his life looking after me and I would spend my life lonely and angry that I would never walk again. Was that fair on anyone else?

I smiled at my brother, "I will think about it." My words were to pacify him. I couldn't make Niall do that. He was too good for that, he was too good for this world. 

A/N: So I know everyone wants to see Harry again, I promise he'll be in the next chapter!! :)