Peter Parker Imagines

50. Moving On - Part One

a/n: hello yes I know it's been eighty four years since I wrote anything for you guys but here's something finally! I know you guys are waiting for part nine of revelations and tbh I don't know when (if?) I'll be able to write more for it since it's been so long, the ideas just aren't flowing like they were a couple months ago. anyway enjoy this or hate me for it cause it's a big ole chapter of angst! sorry for the lame as heck title I really am losing my creative streak lol

this is a post-infinity war imagine. so it's obviously gonna hurt (well I hope it hurts otherwise I didn't write it well enough lmao). so expect hella angst and nothing too happy in this part

warnings: language, mentions of death, reader has ptsd and nightmares, panic attacks, major infinity war spoilers

"I forgot you don't like pickles, sorry about that," Tony dropped a bag on the table, and you tensed a little, realizing it was from Delmar's. You hadn't been there in ages. "I figured maybe sandwiches might be good for tonight."

"Better than whatever you got last time, that's for sure," your lips pulled up in a smile as he rolled his eyes, sitting in the seat across from you. 

"How was your week?" He asked carefully, watching you as you thought of an answer. 

"Boring," you responded flatly, unwrapping your sandwich and taking the pickles out with a disgusted expression. "I patrol but there's nothing much going on. School is still a mess, it's been months but...they're still trying to figure out how to teach us now that..."

You trailed off, not wanting to say it. Now that half of the school was suddenly gone. Now that half of the teachers weren't there to teach, now that the remaining kids were missing one or both of their parents and friends and family and didn't want to even think about going to school.

"I still see May every day," you added quietly, not meeting his eyes. 

"And you still don't think seeing her every day is a little too..." he tried to find the right word. "Much?"

"We need each other right now," you said stiffly, taking a bite of your sandwich so you'd have an excuse not to continue. 

Seeing May was the only thing keeping you sane. Tony was busier now more than ever, so he was able to spare only once a week to check in. But May was your lifeline, and you knew that at least in some way, she relied on seeing you often too. 

"Listen, kid, I'm just gonna cut to the chase," Tony leaned forward, folding his hands on the table like he was about to start a business meeting. "We're going back up there."

You nearly choked on your food, giving him a bewildered look. "Tell me I heard you wrong."

He shook his head, "The rest of us are going back up. This time we know what to expect, and we have help that we didn't have before. We're confronting Thanos, we're getting the stones. We can reverse this and get them all back. We can get Peter back."

You flinched a little hearing his name, trying not to think about the memories that surrounded it. Tony looked so sure of himself, so positive in whatever plan he had, that you almost believed him. Almost.

"Don't give me hope, Tony," you said quietly, not meeting his eyes, "And don't you dare tell May about this and give her hope. It'll kill her."

"It's already killing her," he said a little harshly, "And it's killing you too. Peter wouldn't want-"