Trust Once Broken | SGA John Sheppard

0.106.0

Here we go. I really hope you guys like it! Can't wait to see the comments. It's a long update, but I couldn't bear to cut it!

Happy Reading!

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Kai could feel her emotions roiling through her. From the time she was a youngling, ninety years ago, she had been trained to keep her emotions at bay. Now she couldn't control them and it felt like she was being torn into pieces. She didn't understand why she wasn't just happy. John was alive, she should just be happy. None of it made any sense. And because it didn't make sense, she shut it out.

She knew Beckett would keep John in the infirmary until he cleared John medically. Which meant Kai had a couple hours to figure out what was wrong with her. Moving through the empty corridors of Atlantis she didn't know what she needed. She headed towards her room to change out of the tactical gear and be alone. She turned the corner outside her door and nearly bumped into Zelenka.

"Radek," she greeted in surprise. It was late, most of Atlantis was sleeping.

"Kai," he said with a nod.

"Is everything okay?" She asked.

Zelenka nodded a few too many times. "I was just coming to check on you and make sure it was," he said in his thick accent. "I heard you were back. Is Colonel Sheppard-" he started to ask, studying her face closely for a reaction.

"In the infirmary," Kai told him, but when she saw the look of concern on his face she quickly continued. "He's not injured, Beckett just needed to run some tests."

"Yes, I heard from Rodney about his good fortune, but I was coming to check on you. Are you all right?" He asked gently.

Kai felt a burning behind her eyes at Zalenka's gentle question. Her eyes widened. What was wrong with her? John was fine, everything was fine. She had never had this kind of emotional reaction before.

As though he understood, Radek gave Kai a gentle smile and pulled her into a sweet but awkward hug. He patted her on the back gently and stepped back. "It's been a long day," he said. "With difficult decisions. You'll feel better in the morning. Everything will not seem so overwhelming," he promised her. He rested his hand on her shoulder. "I'm glad the Colonel is all right," he told her.

Zelenka had never once mentioned the Colonel to her, not once in all the time they worked together had he implied he disapproved or even noticed their growing feelings for one another. But for some reason his opinion mattered to her when Doctor Weir's and McKay's, and everyone else in authority didn't. His kindness and acceptance mattered. Just as it always had from the beginning. Radek was the first person on Atlantis to welcome and accept her for who she was without question. He had never cared about her past. That meant something. He was a true friend.

Kai sniffed and nodded, not trusting herself to respond. Her throat felt thick with emotion and she knew if she spoke any of the words she felt, she would cry.

"Try to get some sleep," Radek suggested and he left her alone.

Kai exhaled a shaky breath and went into her quarters. She dropped down on the bed and felt the first warm sting of tears on her cheeks. She jerked to her feet as though she had been stuck, slamming the Bond closed as hard as she could. She needed to get control. She paced the short distance across her room but the space was too small, too confining. She needed to move. Kai tossed her utility belt onto her bed and left her quarters, headed to the gym.

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John knew Beckett would insist on running every test known to man, he had just hoped it wouldn't take all night. Something was wrong with Kai, he could feel it, like a radio playing in the next room. It had to be the Bond, cluing him in, but he had no idea how to make it work. She was upset and he couldn't tell what she was feeling, it was all jumbled together and the harder he tried to pick it up the faster it slipped away. It filled him with a restless anxiety, a need to check on her and be with her. To reassure both her and himself that he was fine. But he was stuck here.