Trust Once Broken | SGA John Sheppard

0.73.0

Wow, okay so that last update got a little intense... sorry-not-sorry BUT I think this one might make up for it! It's a little calmer, a little more fluffy.

Happy Reading!

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Kai rushed out of the infirmary. She nearly tripped over her own feet as she fled down the hall putting as much distance between herself and John as possible. She needed space to clear her head and think.

She stopped halfway down the hall and leaned against the wall. Being overwhelmed wasn't something Kai was used to and she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself. Her thoughts were tripping over themselves frantically as she fought to make sense of John's words in the infirmary. One of the last things Thalen had said to her, was to ask if she wanted to know the moment when John fell in love with her. It had been a lie, she knew it was a lie. It couldn't be anything else. Love wasn't a possibility in the life of a Mortii, and though she was safe on Atlantis she couldn't allow herself the risk even now.

Kai pinched her eyes shut, she had been so certain Thalen was lying to save himself. Someone like John Sheppard didn't fall in love and certainly not with someone like her. She scrubbed at her face as she tried to figure out what else John could have been referring too if it wasn't to answer Thalen's question.

It was on Lodan, under the stars on Lodan.

Behind her closed eyes she could picture John's earnest expression as he spoke those words, answering some unspoken question. There had been too many emotions to read flickering in his hazel eyes as his fingers tangled with her own.

Lodan had been one of their first times going off world one on one. They had both drank Euphor to maintain their cover despite her better judgement and once they were done the two of them, intoxicated, had walked back to the gate. It was one of the first times Kai had seen John let his guard down, shed the mask of The Colonel, and really be himself. John Sheppard didn't allow himself that kind of freedom in front of anyone on Atlantis. She had appreciated it for the gift that it was then, and every moment since. Far from the prying eyes of Atlantis, they had nearly kissed under the stars of Lodan.

And Thalen had known every detail. It still made her sick just thinking about it.

If she had learned nothing else today, Kai had learned that John made her vulnerable in a way she had never considered. It was a shock to realize exactly how vulnerable she had become. Thalen had simply found that weakness and exploited it. Suddenly, The Tribunal's stance on no attachment made sense. No Mortii could be as vulnerable as she had been today and do their job. Their Bonded would make them too easily controlled, and too easily influenced. Whether John shared her feelings or not it didn't matter, it didn't change what he meant to her.

It was an overwhelming realization and one she needed to come to terms with. After everything that had happened that day she was exhausted, both physically and mentally. She shoved herself away from the wall and strode through the darkened halls. She turned another corner and ran straight into Ronon.

"Hey," he said, resting a large hand on her shoulder to steady her. "Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded turning her head away from him so he couldn't see her expression. She needed to get better control of her emotions. She paused and frowned up at him as she realized Ronon shouldn't be out in the hallway so soon after being shot. "What are you doing out of the infirmary?" she asked.

Ronon flashed a casual grin, but now that she was paying attention she noticed he was holding himself very carefully. "The Doc let me out tonight. Still hurts like a bitch, but Teyla found some Athosian wine to take the edge off, care to join us? We could use it after the day we all had," he said lifting his other hand and wiggling the two bottles.