Trust Once Broken | SGA John Sheppard

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Conversion Cont.
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Uncertain what to do with herself Kai followed Doctor Weir back to her office. Elizabeth ordered more men to guard the Colonel's door, but neither woman had spoken a word since. The two of them sat in silence, lost in thought as they waited for the off world team to return.

Elizabeth shuffled through reports while Kai fidgeted restlessly as she waited. She twirled one of her knives through her fingers, rolling it back and forth across her knuckles just to keep moving. She needed to do something, anything to help John, but there was nothing. She was powerless to fight against the disease inside of him and it was killing her. Whatever was happening to him, it was taking him over, hollowing him out from the inside, and it was agonizing to watch. Even since the gym that morning he had lost ground. The scales beginning to climb up his neck were just the physical manifestation of what was happening to him. The inhibitor may have been keeping him lucid, but it was clear to Kai that he was fighting a losing battle.

Kai had never considered the possibility of losing John. It was strangely naive of her, especially considering her background, but the Colonel had always managed to survive in the past, always skating by with a combination of charm, good humor, and sheer nerve. But this wasn't something he could escape from. This was his body failing him. The injustice of it choked her.

She heard the chime of Chuck's terminal, slid her knife away, and was striding out into the control room before he could call out. "Incoming Wormhole. Major Lourne's IDC," he informed Doctor Weir.

Kai was already moving down the stairs two at a time to meet the team when Elizabeth made it into the control room.

"Drop the shield," Elizabeth said in a low tone, but Kai could hear her from the gate room floor.

Major Lorne was the first across the threshold. Followed quickly by McKay, Teyla, Beckett and Ronon. No one else followed. Kai looked almost frantically back and forth over their faces for some indication the mission had been a success. Finally her eyes landed on Ronon.

"Where are Walker and Stevens?" Doctor Weir's voice echoed just on the edge of Kai's perception, but her gaze was locked on Ronon. She could see in his eyes that they had failed. The large Satedan stepped up and looked down at her grimly.

"Let's talk in my office," Elizabeth was saying to Doctor Beckett.

"Kai," Teyla's voice was sympathetic as she stepped up next to Ronon. "We-" she started to say and she looked away, unable to admit they had failed Sheppard.

Kai swallowed and locked eyes with Ronon. "Tell me what happened."

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Elizabeth worked to keep her expression blank as Carson explained to her they had failed to bring back the one thing that could possibly save Sheppard. His face was combination of shame and guilt.

"So what's our next step?" She asked, forcing herself to sound upbeat. She wouldn't add to Carson's guilt. He already blamed himself for what was happening to John. She couldn't imagine how he felt after failing to retrieve the eggs.

"I don't honestly know," Beckett confessed. "Without the eggs, we're back to square one." He dropped his head in his hands and scrubbed at his face.

"We have to do something." Elizabeth said tightly. "He's barely holding on."

"You've been to see him?" Beckett asked in surprise. Before he had left he was under the impression that the Colonel had placed himself in isolation. He needed to go check on his patient, but he hated to be the bearer of bad news. He didn't know how to tell Sheppard, who had sacrificed so much for everyone here, that they had failed him.