Always His { Completed }

18🌸.

Song - I'm a mess by Ed Sheeran

Oh I'm a mess right now
Inside out
Searching for a sweet surrender
But this is not the end
I can't work it out
How?
Going through the motions
Going through us...

Logan's POV

It was real now. She was really pregnant. Fuck . I should have been more careful. I should have made sure that she was more careful. I can't be a father to another child. I just cant do it. I do not deserve to be a father again. I lost the child I would have had. It wouldn't be fair to Amy to have another child. Yes she told me to find love again but she didn't tell me to have more kids.

I love Emma but she has to understand me. I'm just not capable of holding another child knowing that I was the reason that I lost the one that could have been mine. I know that all of this is overwhelming but I wish I could control how I feel about babies but I can't. I have a phobia for them. I wish Emma would understand me. Why can't I just be happy with her alone? Why does it have to involve a baby?Yes, I see a future with Emma. I want to marry her someday but I don't want any babies. I just want it to be me, her and my kids . I know it might seem selfish but that's what I want.

I hate the fact that Emma keeps telling me to see a therapist. You cannot trust anyone with your personal information and I've learned that the hard way. I'm perfectly fine and I don't need validation from an untrustworthy third party. Still , it broke me to see her cry. I wanted to hold her . I wanted to stroke her long brunette hair but she pushed me away. I hate that I'm making her feel this way but this is who I am and I can't change it.

Wallace parked in front of my building and Tom came out of the passenger seat and opened the door for me. I came out and walked briskly into my building. I had a business meeting with the investors from the UK and another with Mr Aliko Dangote who is apparently Nigerian and the richest man in Africa. Rachael had  sent me a text earlier and left me two voicemails telling me that the investors were already seated in the conference room. I walked straight into the conference room and apologized for my lateness even though I was just late by five minutes. I'm never late for my meetings. This is why I do not want a baby. They make you fall behind schedule for things.

The two meetings lasted for hours but it finally came to an end. I bid Mr Dangote good bye then I went back to continue filling in some paperwork on my desk. I was also inspecting the designs for the new gadgets that Ross Mobile would be releasing in a few months. I needed to make sure they were perfect and that everything was going according to plan but I couldn't concentrate. All that kept playing in my mind was the whole pregnancy thing and the conversation Emma and I had earlier today. I tried to push it to the back of my mind but it wasn't working.

" Fuck!" I slammed my fist on the table in resignation and spun my chair around to face the window showing off the beautiful view of New York. It was night already but the twinkling lights displayed the beauty of the city. I could spot the Statue of Liberty from here. I remember the last time when I took Emma on a tour of New York and we went there. How she had to hold on to me so tightly because she was so scared of heights. I remember how in love with her I was. How I was ready to do anything for just to make her mind. Anything that would make her happy. So why can't I try to want this baby for her?

A knock on my door invaded my thoughts . I pressed the keypad on the small silver remote designated to lock and unlock my door. My company  manufactured this a few months ago and where else would I test run it except in my office?

The door unlocked and Rachael walked in with a Ross pad in her hand. She was dressed in a black pencil dress and heels which made an annoying sound as they hit the tiled floor. She was an attractive woman and she has a very nice personality too. I usually don't let people in but It was easy making Rachael a friend. I was more than sure that half of the guys here at work were hitting on her but she refused their advances. It's probably because she has a boyfriend. We've had awkward moments where it seemed like she was getting attracted to me and not in the friendly way. Especially that night when she stayed over at my mansion and came into my room wearing my robe . It was that night when Emma thought that Rachael and I were dating and I didn't do anything to dismiss her accusations because I loved seeing her jealous. It was an obvious sign that she was falling for me and I was happy about that because I was falling for her too.