Always His { Completed }

24🌸.

Song - Hard place by H. E. R

What if nothing ever will change?
Oh I'm caught between your love and a hard place
Oh I wish there was a right way
I'm caught between your love and a hard place, oh
Whoa, oh oh whoa, oh oh whoa, oh oh whoa...

Logan's POV

The funeral service went on as planned. Thank God it did because I had spent the last few days  planning and making preparations for it . My grandma deserves a befitting burial and since she never wanted to be cremated , I was giving her the burial that she deserved. Sometimes I still can't believe that she's dead. I still can't believe that she's not in this world anymore. I didn't even get to be with her at her dying moment . I didn't get to say my last words to her .Sometimes I feel so numb from the thoughts of her during her dying moment that I just stare into space and drift into oblivion .

Some how I felt like it was all my fault . No matter what anyone says , I feel like I had a part to play in her death. Maybe there was was something I could have done . I should have answered my phone earlier when Daphne was calling that night . I should have never neglected my grandma for all those months. If only I knew that she didn't have enough time left in this world .

Emma says I should grief but I can't. I don't have time to grief. I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. Yes I'm mourning my grandmother but I can't bring myself to cry about it . My kids can't see my crying , Daphne can't see me crying, my family can't see me crying . I have to comfort them instead. I have a lot of responsibilities to attend to and I don't have time for tears. The only time I've cried was when Alex was born because she was my first child and at the hospital when Amy died . Apart from that , I don't remember the last time I've cried. I'm supposed to be the pillar in my family. I'm supposed to be the strong one so I'm facing everything with my chin up.I can't let them see my weaknesses.

I welcomed two guests who just came in now. They were an old couple who were friends of my parents. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned back to see Liam and Faith behind me.

" Hey man, need any help?." He asked.

" Yeah, you look like you haven't slept for days." Faith added.

" It's alright you guys. I'm doing just fine." I told them . I was the older sibling so it was only right that I was handling everything.

" Seriously dude. You could just go lie down for a bit and we'll help you out here." Liam insisted.

I thought of about his offer for a second. It was very tempting since I was actually feeling really tired but no, I couldn't do it. I couldn't just go and lie down even if it was for a few minutes. This is my grandmother's funeral. I know that she's family to them too but she's more of family to me.

I shook my head . " Really, I'm fine here. You both go have a drink or something."

" Are you sure?" Faith asked.

" Yeah, now go. Both of you." I said in a semi-commanding voice as I sipped from my glass of tequila. I promised myself to stay away from anything that remotely looked like alcohol after that uneventful night at my club but after grandma died, I failed woefully at keeping that promise.

" Okay Sir." Liam did a mock salute before turning around to leave .

Faith on the other hand stayed and then she surprised me with a hug . " I know that this is all hard for you . I miss her too. I always thought of her as my second grandma since Dad's mum died but know that we're here to help you get through this."

My throat suddenly felt dry . " Okay ." I whispered . I could feel my eyes welling up.

Keep it together, man.