Hot Chocolate

chapter sixteen, sweet dreams.

- Theodore -

I don't want to dump my family issues on Camila, but I know she genuinely wants to help. It's in her nature, she always cares about people and will do everything and anything she can to help. I hate when she pity's me, and if you compare my parental issues with hers, mine are nothing.

I lay on her bed thinking about our new 'rules'. We never clarified if we can kiss people, and about any relationships whatsoever. I wonder if she's going on more dates with Matt. Would she tell me if she was? I'd like to think we tell each other everything, but I'm not sure anymore.

"Right, they're not that hot so we can drink them n- what's wrong?"

I snapped my neck up to see her closing the door with her back, a mug in each hand.
"Hm? Nothing?"

"What were you thinking about?" She handed me the drink, sitting down next to me.

"Your tits." I smiled, earning me a middle finger.

"Seriously though. You wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, can we just chill?"

She seemed wary but gave in, "sure."
We put a movie on her laptop and lay watching divergent. It's Camila's favourite movie but I think she just fancies Theo James. She's got a thing for Theo's...

I sipped on the drink but couldn't ignore the way she kept checking on me. "Cam, watch the movie."

"Ok, sorry."

"Don't apologise." I hushed her. I tried to put my focus on the movie but I'm not great at distracting myself.

We finished our drinks and I'm not sure how much time had passed but she still hasn't relaxed. Her eyes keep flicking sidewards to steal glancing and I wouldn't be surprised if she handed me a pacifier and sang me a lullaby.

I could feel a lump in my throat so I swallowed but it caught her attention and she turned to me. "Look if you don't want to talk about it that's fine but you don't have to pretend to be okay, you're allowed to be upset."

"Camila." I raised my eyebrows reassuringly and placed my hand on the back of her head, stroking her soft hair as she gave me those sincere puppy eyes. "I'm o-kay."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you this summer, I'm sorry-"
I did the only thing I knew would shut her up and pulled her head towards mine, pressing my lips against hers. I didn't bother add my tongue or pull off her top, it wasn't like that. I felt something different but every fibre of my body just wanted to kiss her.

We pulled away softly and I placed my forehead against hers.
"Don't worry about me, and don't blame yourself."

"I just- you were always there for me, but I wasn't-"

"Camila!" I almost laughed, "shut up, please."

"Fine." She chuckled.

We settled down and carried on watching it. I hate to admit it but the movie is quite good. I almost forget about my life until she leant her head on my shoulder. I glanced down at the fallen asleep girl. I left a small kiss on her head and leant forward to turn off the movie.
"I'm awake." She slurred.

"No you're not." I giggled, "come on, let's go to sleep."

"Fine."

We turned off the lamp and got into bed properly. I made sure to tuck her in as I moved over to my side. I know she fell asleep on my chest last night but I feel like it could be a violation of one of the rules or it might just be weird if we do it again. We should probably stick to oral instead of hugs.
"Goodnight, Buttercup."

"G'night, Princess."

I lay awake for longer than I planned and let my thoughts get to me. I shuffled a few times but couldn't get comfortable, and ending up lying with my hand behind my heads staring at the ceiling.

I don't want to go home. It's not even a home anymore, it's just a house I live in. My family isn't a family. Becca had the right idea, getting away from it all. My family has quite literally divided in half, and I got left in an empty home with a work-obsessed man who has my whole future planned for me. I can't go to college like Rebecca and get a job I actually want - I have to inherit this 'DeMarco company'.

I always wanted to be a chef. Either that or a formula-one driver. But when I grew up and started watching Dad work he'd remind everyday how hard he has worked to build this business and I'd make him proud by inheriting it. But I didn't earn it, and I don't want it.

Camila still reminds me about applying for colleges. She's set on ivy leagues but says she's 'aiming for anywhere that will accept her'. She's probably going to end up with a dozen PhDs and a large house filled with a happy family and wealthy husband. And a cat, she wants a cat.

I glanced over at her and could just about make out her features in the dark room. She has her face turned with her hair sprawled across it.

"She took that photograph with her." I whispered almost inaudibly. She must have still been awake because she rolled over, resting her head on her hand on the pillow and staring at me as I kept my head towards the ceiling. "You know the one of Bec with that massive gap in her teeth?" I tried to laugh as the thought of it came back but it turned more into a spluttering frown when my voice cracked.

"Off the mantelpiece?"

"Yeah. The house is empty. Becca's gone, Mom's gone, Dad's never home..."

I didn't even realise I was crying until she wiped a tear off my face. "Theodore..."

"Sorry." I chuckled, wiping my face and turned away from her. "It's late."

She tutted and grabbed onto my shoulder, giving me a massive bear hug from behind. I could feel her breath on my neck and her leg hooked over mine. I placed a kiss on her hand that was clinging to my chest and locked my fingers with hers. I didn't want her to see me like this so I kept my back facing her and allowed her warm arms to comfort me, allowing my masculinity to melt away for the night.
"You've always got a home here with me if you want to stay."

"Thank you, Camila."

"Get some sleep, Dory."

"Sweet dreams, baby."
That's when I realised - I'm screwed. Because I don't want Camila to be my friend-with-benefits. I want all or nothing. Preferably all.

I'm screwed.