You're Supposed To Be//Billie Eilish

chapter 22

billies pov:

i parked my car in front of wills apartment building and looked around for paparazzi before i went inside.

on my way up to the fourth floor i walked past a man with glasses around thirty. he wasn't wearing a mask so i could see how he licked his lips while smirking.

but i knew this man. it was the one who touched dragon that day at the studio.

asshole, i don't like him.

he turned around when i was above him at the stairs and i could feel his stare on my ass. i quickened my walk and sighted when i finally reached wills apartment.

i rang the doorbell and was met with wills face a few seconds after. she had a huge smile plastered on her face as she stepped aside to let me inside.

i placed the bag with food aside and pulled down my mask. i adjusted my beanie before turning around and smiling back at her.

she looked really cute in her sweatpants and black crop top. i also noticed the yellow socks on her feet as she wiggled with her toes.

"happy new year."

"happy new year."

i spoke first and reached my arms out to receive a hug. she slung her arms around my torso and i smiled into her neck. i inhaled her smell.

i've always been interested in smells since i was young and it played a huge role whether i liked someone or not. will smelled like coffee and somehow like sun and also like vanilla and a little bit like wood. it gave me a cozy feeling inside and out. i liked how she smelled.

we probably stood there longer than we were supposed to, but i didn't care.

i enjoy being close to her.

i knew, i shouldn't be feeling this way but i just couldn't help it. i didn't even want to feel that way. i knew what this feeling meant and i really didn't want it.

and it's not because of will. she is amazing and ugh- i can't even put into words. it's because i didn't want it to be true... that i liked girls.

girls, you think?

yes, i may have discovered that i like girls. i like boys too, but you get what i'm saying.

there's this wonderful app called tiktok and well, i had a lot of free time recently... and i just noticed. there are hella beautiful girls on there. i also caught myself looking at girls on the street. i first thought that that was completely normal and every girl did that, apparently not.

i made am i gay? quizzes and at the beginning faked my answers even, but eventually i couldn't deny it.

i haven't told anybody yet though and i'm also not going to soon. i'm still confused as of why and how and what and... just everything.

i would throw my arms up in frustration if i wasn't still hugging will.

i pulled away carefully and looked at will again.

"and... when did you get home, last night?"

"oh, shortly after you called me actually, i wasn't feeling it."

we went into the living room and plopped down on the couch.

"sorry."

"there's nothing to be sorry for, really."

she smiled at me and leaned into my side. i took the bag of food and reached inside.

"i brought you a croissant and a coffee, like you asked for."