You're Supposed To Be//Billie Eilish

chapter 43

triggerwarning: short mention of suicide

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wills pov:

"casper, it's fine. i can walk."

"sorry, just wanted to help."

i sighted.

"sorry, i didn't mean to come of so harsh but i'm fine, really."

casper nodded before he took my bags and followed me out of my hospital room. the doctor had decided that i was okay to go earlier this morning so now i was on my way outside of this hellhole.

billie had to leave a few hours ago but made sure that casper was here before that so i wasn't alone.

we finally reached the exit and i breathed in the fresh air. when we got inside caspers car he turned to face me.

"will, you need to go to the police."

"no, it's fine."

"listen, if you don't go, i will. this is serious. she fucking put you into the hospital, you're lucky you're alive."

"no, you can't do that."

i grabbed his hand.

"please casper, she didn't mean to..."

"will, you can't be for real right now. jessie is dangerous. how long until she'll go and do something even worse, hm? what if you won't get away with a minor concussion next time?"

"casper... please."

i begged him.

"i know why you think you have to protect her. but harley wouldn't want this for you."

"how would you know? she was his best friend. they were so close. harley would never forgive me if i reported her to the police."

"harley would never forgive jessie if he saw what she does to you."

"that- how would you know?"

"he was your brother, he loved you more than anything. nothing was more important to him than you. believe me when i say that he would've killed for you. he wouldn't hesitate to report jessie in a second to protect you."

by now tears streamed down my cheeks.

"i- no..."

i broke down into sobs.

"c'mere."

casper opened his arms and let me cry against his chest.

"it's going to be okay."

"i miss him."

"i know, i miss him too."

time skip to a few hours later:

i was brushing my teeth when my phone screen lit up. i smiled when i saw that billie was trying to face time.

"hey, baby. how're you feeling?"

"better. they gave me some painkillers so it's fine."

i spoke with my mouth full of toothpaste.

"that's good. are you at caspers?"

"yeah, i didn't want to be alone tonight."

an expression of guilt washed over her face.

"i'm sorry i can't be there. i want to hold you so bad, right now."

"it's okay, i understand, but i'd rather have you here with me of course."

i smiled before i spit the toothpaste into the sink. i rinsed out my mouth before i looked up at the screen again.

"what?"

i asked playfully while brushing my hair.

"you look so beautiful."

"liar. i look like shit right now. my face is fucking blue."

"still beautiful."

"shut up. i'm not."

"yes, you are. i love you."

i looked down to hide my blush.

"i love you too."

"can you tell me what happened, baby? whit jessie, i mean."

"don't you still have to work? aren't you in a meeting right now?"

"we have a break right now because we've been going through this shit since almost four hours. i still have a good 15 minutes left. so tell me, please."

"we should really talk this out in person, billie."

"so you mean in like a week?"

she asked sarcastically.

"will, don't push me away. i care for you. i need to know what happened? please let me in for once."

"i- this is hard for me to talk about, okay? i need time."

"i gave you time. i give you time. but i sometimes feel like i don't even really know you. you know everything about me, about my past, about my past-relationships... what do i know about you? barely anything."

"it's complicated."

"no, the fuck, it's not. you say you love me but don't even trust me with your past. who even are you? maybe you're not the person you pretend to be but someone completely different. but how would i know, right?"

"billie-"

i interrupted her rant.

"my dad died in a car accident, my brother gave himself the fault and attempted suicide and succeeded. my mother doesn't care about me since she has a new boyfriend. jessie was my brothers best friend and she still reminds me of him. is that enough for you? is that what you wanted to hear?"

"will, i'm sorr-"

i cut her off by hanging up the phone. i slid down the wall and stared at my phone where billie tried to call me back.

i knew my outburst was a little too much but i had expected billie to be kinder about me opening up. she had tried before to get something out of me. 

i wasn't ready though. jessie had me so messed up that i was still unsure about other peoples opinions. billies as well. 

now, i had told her and i knew what was to come. i knew that she won't look at me the same anymore. she'll see me as this poor, poor girl now that had to be pitied for her loss and her mother who abandoned her.

"honey?"

caspers soft knocks on the door pulled me back into reality. 

i reluctantly stood up and opened the door with wobbly limbs. before i could say something casper looked me in the eyes and instantly knew i wasn't okay.

he pulled me into his embrace and rubbed my back softly.

"talk or sleep?"

he asked after we stood there for a moment.

"sleep."

i didn't sleep a second that night.

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(900 words)

hi babies...

i honestly need a casper in my life.

hope you're all doing okay out there.

love, <3