Finding happiness (previously known as Billionaire playboy's secret past)

The Pill

Mum's words keep ringing in my head. I really don't want to be pregnant; having a baby would definitely put a lot of stress on my family not just financially but socially. The child out of wedlock is always the talk of the village, a child out of wedlock who looks like a muzungu (white man) will be shunned. I wouldn't want that for my child, plus I'm not old enough to have a child; I'm still a child myself. ''Oh God, what have I done?''

For the next three days I did not see Knox, I missed him, my body missed what only he is capable of doing to it. My bedtime prayers these days are all about asking God to just let me not be pregnant. I calm myself by admitting that there's a 50/50 chance that I'm worrying about nothing. With that thought. I get myself to relax a little. I resolve that I will go to the clinic and get on the pill. I have to take responsibility for my body if I'm going to continue doing this. Knox doesn't seem to have responsibility as a priority.

Going to the clinic is a bit of a walk and it's scorching hot outside. I don't want to walk in this heat. Either I wait for the bus (for which I don't have money for the fare) or I see if Knox could help me get there. I debate with myself over whether I should go and try to find him or just go to the clinic even though deep down I know I would do anything for a chance to see Knox again.

If Knox and I have another go at this sex thing, I'll have my eyes open and will not allow emotions and feelings to cloud responsibility, he will need to be protected. What if he does this all the time, have unprotected sex with lots of women? He could be HIV positive, oh God, he slept with Nora, I pray he covered himself. I feel sick thinking of him and Nora having naked sex.

As I'm making my way towards the camp, I notice that there's a 4 wheel drive driving my way. I wait for it to go past but it stops next to me revealing John, 'the medic', Steven and Matt. These guys are in the same unit as Knox.

''Where are you off to Maya?'' John and Steven ask in unison.

''I was going to the bus stop so I can get to the clinic,'' I lied, I was never going to the bus stop, but they don't know that.

"Then you're in luck, jump in, we're headed that way too. Are you ok?" John asks with concern in his voice looking me up and down for obvious signs of distress.

"Ahh yeah, just a check-up, you know... from the incident a while ago,'' I say looking away, not willing to look them in the eyes. My lying is definitely getting out of hand. Sometimes I think I could lie to myself and convince myself of the lie. That's how good I'm becoming.

The conversation in the car is lively. I'm sitting in the back with Matt; Matt is good looking in a broody kind of way but not my kind of tea. He is happy being quiet; he only chuckles here and there when John and Steven say something funny. His chuckles are easily swallowed by Steven's bellowing laugh and John's hoots. It's quite interesting in the car that I soon forget why I'm travelling to the clinic.

The guys drop me off right at the front to the clinic and advised me that they'll pick me up in about an hour if I wanted to ride back with them. I'm counting my lucky stars for meeting them in time and I'm hoping my luck will carry me through the next few minutes.

Inside my head I'm chanting, "please let me not be pregnant," over and over. I avoid people's eyes as I'm sure they can pick up on pregnancy hormones. I may be paranoid but I think people are looking at me. I check my stomach and it's still flat. Maybe I am glowing, after all they say pregnant women glow. I just keep looking down so no one recognises me. I don't want my mum to find out through the grape vine that I was here.

The clinic is not as full as I expected; there are about four families in front of me. I take a seat and wait for my turn. Just over half an hour later, they call my name and I suddenly feel nauseous. The nurse attending to me remembers me from my previous visit and assumes I'm here because I'm still hurting. A big part of me wishes that was the reason I was here. I could explain that one easily.