The Serpent Inside (A Karmagisa Fanfiction)

23: Memories

'I love you, Blueberry.'  

Over and over, Nagisa couldn't get it out of his head. Placing a false smiled on his face, he tried to tune it out, but all he managed to do was push it to the back of his mind.

Nagisa didn't know how to feel. Depressed? Regretful? Happy?

He just felt blank.

After years of torment and abuse, whenever things got rough, Nagisa just shut down, opting to feel nothing over feeling the pain he knew was coming. Having been with Irina and Karasuma for a good while now, he thought he wouldn't need that skill, but here he is, shutting himself down once again.

The lunch bell sounded and Nagisa went outside, walking into the beginning of the forest and climbing up a tree to eat alone.

Halfway through his lunch, a voice called up to him.

"Hey, Shiota-kun!"

Nagisa almost choked on his food. He looked down to see a messy crimson mop.

"Yeah, Akabane-kun?" Nagisa cringed.

"Need some company up there?" 

Nagisa shook his head.

"I-I'm good."

"You stuttered."

"Did I? Whoops." Nagisa laughed breathily.

Karma raised a brow, but left the teen alone.

After all, they were just classmates.

Karma left, and Nagisa returned to his lunch, trying to block out the words again.

'I love you, Blueberry.' 

There was no pain, no hatred. Why? Why didn't Karma hate him!?

Nagisa felt the tears wanting to fall, but he denied them.

"No... not now." Nagisa murmured to himself as he jumped down from his branch and went back to class, ready for English.

English was slightly better, as he got to be taught by his mother, but once again, he had to hide that fact since Karma didn't remember the fact that Nagisa was abused.

"Nagisa...-kun, can you come and solve this?" Irina added honorifics at the last moment. Nagisa nodded, and walked to the front of the class, answering the English problem.

'You're one sexy man, why don't we go up the ______ to get to the upper layers~.'

Nagisa evaluated the sentence and wrote the word 'stairs' in the blank.

Irina nodded and praised Nagisa via regular words before sending him back to his seat.

Once English was over, training began.

Karma, luckily for Nagisa's sanity, skipped.

Once the redhead was gone, the class went over to Nagisa.

"Damn, how do you act so casual around him?" Sugino questioned.

"I lied about my mother my whole life, you think I can't manage lying to the person I love?" Nagisa laughed weakly.

"You're hurting, Nagisa. Let us help you." Kataoka extended her hand for Nagisa to take. Nagisa took it and was pulled into a hug by the tall girl. The whole class piled on little by little until even Terasaka was hugging it out.

After a solid five minutes of hugging, Karasuma began training.

The class flew by quickly, and it was time for everyone to go home.

Nagisa pretended to be helping Hazama with "clean up duty" until Karma left. Once the red-head was gone, he went home with Irina and Karasuma who just kept doing some extra work until Nagisa was ready.

The car ride home was silent, and not the comforting kind.

Irina opened the door and Nagisa trudged to his room, doing his homework before eating and going to bed at the way-to-early hour of 19:00. Normally he'd be up until at least 22:00.

Irina and Karasuma exchanged glances as they looked into their son's room to see the fragile boy asleep with tear streaks staining his cheeks.

Nagisa made it five days without making a mistake.

The fifth day was when a tear cracked through his walls.

"Shiota-kun, are you alright?"

Karma wiped the tear from Shiota's eye.

"Ka-Akabane-kun! Sorry!" Nagisa furiously wiped his eyes. Akabane laughed.

"Don't worry, it's fine. Allergies?"

"N-Yeah!" Lies.

"Huh? Did you say 'no' at first?"

"Not at all! I'm allergic to pollen." Fake smiles.

"Oh, okay then. See you later Shiota-kun."

"Yeah... see you later Akabane-kun..."

'I love you, Blueberry.' 

Another tear escaped Nagisa's eye.

After School

"I don't like lying to him."

"It's all we can do, you know he wanted this."

"It's breaking him up inside, you can't be that much of an idiot to not notice that much."

"I did notice, but if we tell him now-"

"If we tell him down he'll try and do the same thing again, I know, you already told me that."

"He think's it's for the best."

"What do you think?"

"I think I made my opinions on the matter clear from the start."

"Yeah, I think you did."