The Serpent Inside (A Karmagisa Fanfiction)

35: Star's Tears

The ticking of the clock had never felt so loud, its hands turning along the big, bold numbers, the technology old and faded as it threatened to fall off the wall. Nagisa looked at it, watching the hands go around and around and around. He had been at it for three hours, struggling to stay still- he'd even tried tying himself down but he got out without even realizing it. His eyes were slitted and glowing blue, as any other day, but today, they were silky with tears that built themselves, layering a clear coating over his irises, virtually ready to fall like the timepiece that was ticking away. It was like a bomb, simply waiting, ever patient, and always, always, watching.

Waiting for the first tears to seep from his eyes, and curl onto his pale face, to pause as his cheekbones halted its progress, just to drip at an even faster pace as it rolled off of the protruding bones. Like a rollercoaster, a pause before the most exhilarating part of the ride.

It made it all the more ironic, especially because he hated both with a passion. A passion that was now burnt out, the crisp ashes left behind as they blew away, smothering him into nothingness, a pitying force from Nature's hands; like she herself, as a god, controlled him, and she was currently mocking his poignant memories of the ones he couldn't hold onto.

The ones that were like water, like his tears, and that slipped through his hands no matter how hard he tried to hold them close to his heart. Nature smirked at him again, guiding the same liquid, his faith in humanity, through his closed fingers, like a queue to the hands of death as their strings were cut loose. And Nagisa was left to wail as he produced more of his tears, further recycling the process, and every time he watched them get extricated, he was jerked away, his puppeteer forcing him to do something else, something he didn't want to do, all for their own benefit.

He looked at the clock.

It spoke to him, with a sense of urgency. Move now, it said, and Nagisa read the time through muddled thoughts. Seven o'clock, not much time left. The mercury-eyed male, with the flaming red hair and the sculpted tan skin that wrapped around his muscles and bones perfectly, a combination that had Nagisa wanting to be breathless, wanting to feel warm inside.

All he felt was the stinging pain of despair, and the frosty bite of his thoughts, his conscience, that wasn't his own.

He silently slipped out from under the covers of the pearly white duvet that was splayed comfortably on the bed, or rather, comfortably on Karma, and he shivered, goosebumps traveling up his arms as he escaped the warmth of the thick fabric that trapped his little heat, but Karma was always hotter than fire- the perfect combination, allowing them both to reach equilibrium.

His other half- but he wanted to be broken today.

Slowly, he stumbled out of his room, the doorknob cold against his skin as he turned it tenderly, the surface glinting gold from the pale shafts of light tumbling through the blinds before it was covered, forgotten, as he pulled the heavy door open.

He padded down the hallway of the mansion-like house, the dark corners gripping at him, dragging him, leering at him behind invisible masks. They wrapped their cold hands around his ankles, holding him down, forcing him to drag them like dead weights, like anchors that pulled him underwater, watching gleefully as he slowly choked, bubbles escaping his parted lips as he drowned.

He could barely breathe, that was for certain.

Things were fuzzy, and he felt helpless, only escaping the hazardous stairways and tricky rooms from pure memory, a memory that sat beside the other one.

The other one, in which he cried, his hands trembling, his face pale.

The other one, in which his heart shattered into splinters, the first time he felt such dread.

The other one, in which his blade wasn't the answer, and yet would forcefully become the key in his life onwards.

The other one.

Nagisa opened the door to an empty room, all the way on the other side of the home, his sobs coming out in waves, crashing upon him and washing him away like footprints in the sand. Crash, crash, crash, and there he went, swept away, just one more grain of sand in the world. He was falling apart faster than Karma would normally be there to put him back together.

He didn't have his red-headed superglue to fix everything today.

Nagisa slid down the wall, tears falling down his face, tears slipping through his hands, Nature's hands choking him from the corners of the dark room.

He killed him.

But that wasn't the problem.

The problem was that he couldn't save him, didn't treasure his time with him enough.

And, as the snow started to recede and the stars started to fade, Nagisa was left bawling, the date, March thirteenth, scorched in his memory as he cried for the anniversary of Koro-sensei's death.

He cried into his arms as something sticky appeared.

The boy took his head up to see yellow filth crawling on him.

A scream ripped itself from his gut.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I DIDN'T WANT TO! PLEASE!"

Nagisa shot up to the bathroom attached to the bedroom, turning on the tap and furiously scrubbing at his forearms.

But the blood of his sensei would not wash away with water.

Nagisa's eyes hardened.

If water would not work, he would wash his arms with blood. His claws dug at his flesh, drawing the ink from their tubes. The yellow and red mixed, turning into a cascade of sunsets and fire crackling- the blackness of burns now trying to take him as well.

"I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE!" He screamed, his voice hoarse, his sobs choking out of his mouth as he struggled to breathe.

"I didn't have a choice..." He whispered, his sobs hiccuping and his shoulders trembling, just barely staying together, with a single, thin, thread.

He knew that was a lie.

He always had a choice, he had the choice to let his sensei explode, and take the planet with him.

Perhaps that was the right choice, for all the suffering would have ended. All the wars, all the hate... but all the love would have ended as well.

The yellow blood dripped off his arms, leaving only his own red streaks.

More tears flew from his eyes as he pitifully curled into a ball, wanting nothing more than to be non-existent.

Every year before now, when he was with Silver-sensei, he'd be sedated the whole day... emotions like these were only a hindrance in their line of work, and the emotions could be tamed with a simple injection. Silver-sensei always did like the simple answers to complex questions - even if the simple ones weren't always what was needed.

Even so, Nagisa couldn't help but wish he had some of that day-long sedative on him.

"Nagisa."

His voice was normally scented with mischief, hidden intentions, and playfulness, but today there was nothing but love.

Silently, he walked in and draped his arms around the sobbing figure, no words needed as they came into a hug.

His own crystal tears flew down his cheeks as he embraced his lover, cutting the strings from Nagisa, setting him free, sending him out of Nature's hold. They were never freaks of Nature, but freaks they were. Nature was not apart of them.

Without an entire half of a being during the hard times, how would something as complex as emotions possibly be solved?

And, as they sat on the cold floor, Koro-sensei, from way above or below or in between, picked up their strings, and one by one, he tied them together with loving care, with one another, so that Karma and Nagisa were no longer puppets, but bonded together as lovers.

And Koro-sensei tied his beating heart in the middle, and there, the couple fell asleep to the drumming of his heart as the teacher flew away for good, his last lesson taught with an eminence only he could have.