Behind My Eyes.

center.

as i lie there under the covers tracing my fingers along his spine as he sleeps peacefully beside me, i start to think of all the things that could be.

the things that may happen if we continue like this.

if we continue on the road we're on, will we crash and burn?

will we be fine and never worry about the repercussions?

as i lie there breathing in his cologne and thinking, my mind starts to wander.

to what it'd be like to fall asleep and wake up next to him every morning.

to fall into his arms when i can't take the weight on my shoulders anymore.

to fall onto the couch next to him and watch a whole season of doctor who in one day with him.

to fall in love with the boy with the beautiful blue-green eyes that i seem to drown in every time they look in mine.

as i press my lips to the soft skin of his neck i begin to wonder what it'd be like to be able to kiss him whenever i wanted to.

not in the secrecy of a house where walls don't talk.

i want to feel his lips brush against mine as he holds me and we talk.

i want to be able to call him mine and hold his hand.

i want to be with him in every way imaginable for the rest of my life.

as i lie there with my legs intertwined with his i laugh to myself and can't help but think of how it reminds me of us and how we're intertwined.

intertwined by the marks left where wandering eyes can't see.

intertwined by phone calls we'll never repeat.

intertwined by shy glances across the room.

intertwined by sweet nothings whispered in our ears.

as i lie there hearing him speak in hushed tones, i think about what it'd be like to hear him all the time.

i'd like to hear him in the morning when his voice is still rough with sleep.

i'd like to hear him right before bed when his words would slur together from being half awake.

i'd like to hear him sing until he lost his voice at a concert with me or singing so loud in the car that we can't hear the wind rushing past our ears.

as i run my fingers down his jaw feeling the stubble starting to grow back, i smile because of the contrast of his rough face to my smooth fingertips reminds me of us.

him: a hands-on, loud-mouthed barbarian.

me: a quiet, keep your head down, fragile thing.

how we're from two different worlds yet here we lie in the same bed.

i find myself twisting my fingers around his hair as the knots in my stomach become more apparent from overthinking.

i'm overthinking everything, possible outcomes, knowing he and i will never be and nothing good could come from this.

i'm holding him like it's the last time i'll see him because i know that when i get home he'll already be forgetting me until the next time he needs me.

he will never know that he has become the center of my thoughts.

he will never know that he has become the center of my dreams.

he will never know that he has become the center of my nightmares.

 he will never know that he has become all i can write about.

he'll never know.