Behind My Eyes.

night.

i've always said that everything seems worse at night.

the mountains of despair and hopelessness always seem too high to climb in the dark of the night.

in the morning they'll seem like nothing more than a speed bump.

i've sat for hours and pondered on why that is.

why do things always seem to worsen tenfold when it's you by yourself in your head at night?

there's nothing you can do to convince yourself that you're overreacting,

you know deep down that your issue seems irrational but you can't talk yourself out of the nose dive solution that you've thought of.

too many times have i jumped from that mountain and regretted it the following morning because it wasn't that big of an issue and i made it something it wasn't.

try and think of all the things that have occurred in the dead of night that you convinced yourself that your world was ending.

now think of all the times it wasn't nearly as bad in the morning.

i try not to make big decisions at night simply for this reason.

if i make a choice that i can't have someone in my life anymore or i need to move or i need to hurt myself i have to force myself to hold off as long as i can to see how i feel about them in the morning.

otherwise, i'll regret it as soon as the sun breaks the horizon.

i know it's my own doing and that i should try harder to control myself but when it's just myself in the confines of my four walls,

it's nearly impossible to talk myself down from such heights.

i almost always have to distract myself with a movie or a show.

i stopped relying on people ages ago.

most of the time they won't pick up the phone for me.

and if they do nobody has ever been able to talk sense into me.

maybe this is something only i experience?

maybe i'm crazy and things just happen to me differently than they do for other people?

i hope someone out there thinks things are worse at night too.