Behind My Eyes.

why don't they stay?

how is it that i can never seem to find a guy who wants to date?

everyone i seem to meet is only here for a friends-with-benefits kind of deal.

i despise that and there's literally nothing i want less than that.

it's so embarrassing that i haven't had a serious boyfriend.

it's embarrassing that nobody has ever wanted me for more than a night.

why doesn't anyone seem to want me?

is it me?

is it my personality?

is it how i look?

i'm nearly twenty-one and i've yet to know what it's like to have someone care about you in the way a lover should.

i don't know what it's like to have someone look at you like you were their world.

it's embarrassing that as i'm writing this i'm crying.

i think it's me.

i think i'm just defective.

how else would you explain it?

it can't be the guys' fault...

it's every single guy i meet...

that means it has to be me.

i'm the common factor in all of this.

i've accepted that nobody is ever really going to want me and that's just the way it has to be but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.

i know it's pessimistic to think this way but i've tried every dating app there is and i've shot my shot with a few different people and every time it ends up the same way.

they stick around for a while and then when they're tired of me—which will inevitably happen, i'll be left here reeling.

granted i'm not entitled to anyone or having someone stick around but it'd be nice to just have one person stay.

is that too much to ask. 

why won't they like me?