Behind My Eyes.

where do i go from here?

tonight while i was driving i realized that i don't think—at least for the time being—that i would ever take my own life.

things have been so good lately and i know that the crash from this has to be detrimental and i might feel like i'm not going to make it out alive but i know now that the good days will outweigh the bad ones.

tonight was just proof of that.

tonight was the most fun i've had in ages and if i was to take my life who knows how many good days i'd miss out on?

that feeling really does outweigh the bad days for me.

i love being with my friends.

tonight i laughed so hard that my face hurt for hours after i got home.

i haven't felt that kind of joy in months.

it's odd to think about if i'd ever followed through months ago when i had it all planned,

that i wouldn't have gotten to experience that.

i try not to dwell on that too long.

the thoughts of what i would've missed out on.

it leads me to think about the bad times.

i enjoy nights like tonight especially during a time where bad days are frequent.

i think about the good times when i get down and they do help me pull myself out of that weird funk.

i've never been good at making the good days last but i'm an expert at keeping the bad days around longer than they're needed,

i think it's one of my many talents.

i think i also keep them around because the thought of good days usually means that there's at least eight bad ones right around the corner for me.

all i've known for the majority of my life are bad days so when i don't have them i think my body can't cope and everything just sort of shuts down.

it's been an insane road to even get this far and i feel like i've been working towards it my entire life.

i don't think i ever imagined that i'd reach the end of this road and now that i have i feel oddly incomplete,

as if i'm waiting for the next thing.

i dont' even know where i'd begin.

where do you go once you've reached the end?