Behind My Eyes.

before and after.

i'm sitting hopelessly on my floor,

pulling at my hair and running my hands across my face in a desperate attempt to feel something.

i feel so unbelievably lost,

if that's even the right way to explain this.

i feel like a meteor crashed into me and i'm stuck picking up the pieces and i have to put them together and figure out who the hell i am.

i do this so often and somehow i keep getting it wrong.

the pieces get put back in the wrong order.

i need to figure it out.

figure that out and everything will be okay again right?

maybe he'll come back.

no i don't need him.

i'm fine by myself.

i always used to think "i was fine before him and i'll be fine without him" but here i am.

without him.

and i'm not fine.

i don't even know what fine is anymore.

it's just "before and after".

i'm stuck in the after and it's nothing like the book.

maybe it is.

there's emotional and mental abuse in the book and that's really all i ever got from him anyways.

however tessa still gets her happily ever after with harry and i'm stuck here...on my floor.

i mean did i really do anything different before him?

i can't even remember who i was.

i can't picture my life before him.

he came into my world and rocked it on its axis.

nothing will ever be the same and i've accepted that because what's the point in denying it?

before him was dull and the days seemed to blur together.

during him was bright and electric.

after him is just bleek and hopeless.