Behind My Eyes.

wilmington.

standing there with my feet in the sand in wilmington after running away from my problems.

the biting cold wind whipping my hair in every direction blinding me.

i can't help but wonder how i got here.

when did i become someone who ran from her issues?

when did i become someone who couldn't face the voices in her head?

when did i let my problems dictate my actions?

when did i become so incredibly broken that i couldn't fix it?

when did i begin thinking that running away was an option?

everything in my life seemed to be moving so fast.

everything still is moving too fast.

i feel like i'm being tossed around in the wind.

it feels like i haven't moved in a month but the world around me is.

have i moved?

everything is different now but it's also still painfully the same.

how does that happen?

i know it's been about six months so it's illogical to think that i haven't moved but maybe it was just illogical of me to think that things would change.

i've lost so many people and while i have gained some, it's nothing compared to those not with me anymore.

i ran away to the beach to escape all of it and try to make sense of everything so why do i feel so confused?

why can i not seem to make sense of anything?

this isn't fair.

why can i still feel the wind in my hair and the sand under my feet?

how can i still smell the sea breeze and feel the sun on my face?

am i still on that beach in wilmington?