Behind My Eyes.

stay or go?

i've been stuck in my head more often than naught,

and when i sit in my head i think a lot of thoughts.

i think about how i've changed in the past year,

and how i've overcome many of my fears.

i never thought i'd be able to trust anyone again,

i'd never be able to let someone under my skin,

but here you are once again my old friend.

it's you and i trying to make sense of this mess,

and i'd like to think that the outcome from all of this will be a success.

it's been a while since i've sat here and bared my heart and soul,

i feel like i'm losing all control.

you and i both know how much i try to avoid letting people in,

i can't let people see what's underneath the smile lines and behind the grin.

all i seem to do is get hurt and i don't know if i'm strong enough to survive that once more,

i'm struggling between wanting more and needing to isolate and i'm simply torn.

i can't justify opening up to someone,

i know there's always the possibility that it will be worth it in the long run,

but why should i wait forever to find one person?

i suppose that in the end that's the goal,

but after so many times of getting burned—i'm left with a heart of charcoal.

i'd like to think that i've still got so much love left to give and i know deep down all i do is get hurt but my heart is simply too big to keep it to myself,

but then again you've never been good at keeping things to yourself.

and at the end of the day you're only an extension of me,

yet whenever you come around i want to flee.

i never want to spend long in your gaze,

after a while it's blocked by the haze.

the haze of depression and self-hatred,

almost as if they were related.

i want to reach out and have someone reaching too,

but nobody ever is and that leaves me oh so blue.

you and i are here again in the dark of night,

having this same age-old fight.