Behind My Eyes.

trying my best.

i've spent so long trying:

to understand,

to make peace,

to breathe,

to sleep,

to eat,

to calm down,

to find myself.

i've never stopped trying, despite how it looks and what you might think.

i don't think i'll ever understand why.

and it's far too soon to try and make any sort of peace with it.

i have enormous weights on my chest.

i see you in every single one of my dreams and when i close my eyes.

i have absolutely no appetite.

i'm lost in the abyss of my own mind.

you ruined me.

you stole who i was in jacksonville and i'm never going to get her back.

you absolutely destroyed everything that i was.

i shouldn't have to live like this.

yet here i am.

you're everywhere!

i can't escape.

i'm trapped in my mind.

i've done everything i can to get out.

i don't think you even realize the extent of what you did to me.

i could write about it all day and you'd never be able to understand unless you had it happen to you.

i'm never getting over this.