Behind My Eyes.

signs.

as i lie in bed thinking about our last few months together i realized that there were so many signs that you were trying to get rid of me.

september wasn't good to either of us and you were a lot more reliant on me than usual because of everything you had going on with her.

october was when we flourished it'd been a while since everything with us moved so smoothly, i truly thought that given a little more time and you would've been mine...that's how good it was to us.

november came and suddenly the messages became less frequent and i saw you less and less, i remember how shitty you had made me feel that month, you were breaking my heart.

i sent you so many messages begging you to talk to me.

i thought that something was seriously wrong and you were pushing the people you were closest to away. 

i just needed to know you were okay and you never gave me that peace of mind.

i remember walking through the vineyard towards your host stand, i don't think you knew i was in there, and you were talking to our friend and i heard you say "i think she's finally getting the hint." and you looked over and saw me standing there.

i don't know if you were talking about me but it's the only thing that makes sense.

i remember feeling my heart drop into my stomach. 

my worst fears were being confirmed in that sentence. 

december came around and by the end of it you had hardly said more than ten words to me but when i came to visit work after i quit, i saw you and i gave you a hug and it was the most awkward hug we'd ever had and i should've realized sooner that you were done with me because looking back now i looked like a fool.

january hit and we were forced to go to that godforsaken concert together and you were a stranger again. we sat in silence and i swear my world stopped spinning.

there were so many missed signs.

you gave me everything i needed to know in the span of those months and i ignored every single one of them...

how could i be so stupid?

i'd always had a fear of you leaving me because i wasn't sure i could handle it, and then you did leave and i couldn't handle it.

i cried for so long over you.

i think the only signs i'd be able to see are the big neon signs.

can we go back and do it again?

i promise i won't ignore the signs this time.

come back.