Behind My Eyes.

close enough to hurt me.

lately i've been thinking more about the issues i have.

surprise i have issues!

i've been thinking about my trust issues.

i never realized until a few days ago just how serious they were,

i thought i was a bit of an open book but i realize now that a lot of my friends know very top layer stuff about me.

they know the basics but they don't really know what makes me who i am.

i have about three people in my life who know the deep stuff,

my hopes and fears and my dreams.

i can't seem to open up because i can't seem to make myself believe that anyone would want to stick around.

i still worry that my three best friends are going to get bored of me one day and leave.

they've been in my life for years but i still worry that they'll just pick up and go leaving me in the dust one day.

i know i shouldn't think this way and i should have more confidence in them but i've only known people to leave me since i was a child and my parents left me.

that's where everything comes from and it didn't help that the cycle continues so often with friends and lovers to the point where i can't tell up from down.

i've been lucky enough to have some friends from work that i've opened up to a little bit but i've been there a year and a half and i feel like i've barely made progress with opening up to them.

it's so pointless when jobs are just temporary fixtures in our lives and either i'll leave or they will.

nobody stays at one job forever especially a part-time retail job.

i've had too many people come and go that i just don't see the point of letting someone get that close.

i won't let you close enough to hurt me.

being open and vulnerable is terrifying because it's always used against me and i just can't put myself through that again.

sorry if i come off as distant or standoffish i just can't let myself be crushed again by those with ill intentions.

i'm doing my best.

i've built up walls so high that i can no longer see over them.

i can't let you close enough to hurt me.