Behind My Eyes.

lost cause.

i downloaded a dating app while we were on lockdown for shits and giggles.

i matched with a few really cool people!

one guy, in particular, was into basically everything i am and it seemed like a match made in heaven.

for the first time in a long time, i had hope about a relationship.

how silly of me.

we hung out once and i haven't heard from him since,

i'm not exactly surprised.

i'd probably ghost me too.

there are a few other people but they don't really hold a conversation they just send selfies back and forth and it's annoying because how the hell am i supposed to get to know you?

my sister met a guy on tinder a few days before i downloaded it and they're already official.

how the hell does she do it?

it's never been easy for me to talk to guys and it only got harder after jacksonville and **  and ****** because i can never know someone's true intentions.

i let people in and they just take everything i have from me and leave me broken on the floor.

i just get so SCARED!

being vulnerable is terrifying and i just can't risk letting someone in so they can tear me apart again.

i only have just begun to get myself back to where i was before then and it's taken so much time.

maybe i should stop trying to find someone until i find myself?

that seems to be the only logical thing that i can think of.

 i just want to know how to stop being abandoned like this.

am i a lost cause?