Behind My Eyes.

dream chaser.

your dreams were banished into caves where they were forced to wither away until nothing but dust remained and you were too scared to go after them.

how could you forget the dreams that you've held tight since you were little?

how could you forget about the dream to be a marine biologist or a lawyer?

dreams were meant to be held tight and explored and chased.

you are supposed to run as fast as you can and reach the end goal of those dreams coming true.

sadly i've never been much of a runner and i'm always four feet behind where i should be and it's taking me ages to catch up.

i don't think i'll ever reach a point where i'll be happy with where i am in relation to these dreams.

it's been two years since i stopped chasing them and everything since then has seemed like a glitch.

nothing seems real and i'm not sure why they seem this way. 

everything seems to blur together and i can't remember what day of the week it is or what today's date is.

i just know that i'm miserable...

why am i miserable again?

seems like i can't even keep that straight.

my dreams i was chasing seem so far out of reach and i don't know if it's even worth trying to catch up to them anymore.

i don't know how to even get back in that race.

i'm sure it's a long process and i need to put in work to make it happen and i know that i can do anything i put my mind to,

the hard part is getting my mind set on them.

my adhd makes it hard to focus on things sometimes.

i either hyperfixate or i can't see what's in front of me.

that's how it's always been and i don't expect it to change for this.

maybe if i believed in myself a little bit more i wouldn't be in this predicament.

maybe if i had just tried harder the first time and not given up so easily i'd be doing better.

gotta get my head out of my ass and focus.

i'll make it there someday.

hopefully.